My Cousin Wasn't Vinny

There have been a few comments in the past that have cast a pale light on one of the best southern delicacies to be found. I will have you to know we have a secret and only those truly in touch with the way things are done in a southern kitchen knows that secret. Well more people know it now since those Food TV celebrities chefs cooks have started to let the secret out of the bag. Damn them all! Their grandmother's should haunt them all the days of the rest of their lives for that folly! It was our secret, it is what separated us from the pretenders and the wannabees! With that said I am going to teach you the proper and delicious way to prepare grits. Real grits. Not hominy. Not cream of wheat, Steven! To those who have never had a real bowl of properly cooked grits stop turning your nose up as if I have asked you to eat brussel sprouts batter fried and buttered with shit. If you follow this plan of action you will have one of the best breakfast or supper items known to mankind. At the grocery store, on the cereal aisle, look for Jim Dandy Quick Grits or Quaker Grits. I prefer Jim Dandy but Quaker will do. Buy the smallest amount, usually a one pound bag or canister. Once you have discovered the beauty of this simple food you can return and stock your larder with the big five pound bag. They will not go to waste. Store them as you would flour or sugar in an air tight container. By God you better not buy those damned disgusting INSTANT grits. Ackkk!! For a serving of grits you are supposed to use 1/3 cup uncooked grits for every person you are feeding. Let me warn you this is a big serving. I suggest 1/3 cup uncooked for an adult and 1/3 cup uncooked per two children with a good appetite. There are generally four of us here for breakfast on a daily basis. J. is only here on weekends and has a small appetite. I cook using 1 cup of the uncooked grits. The liquid is 1 1/3 cup of liquid to every 1/3 cup of uncooked grits. For my family that is 1 cup uncooked grits and 4 cups of liquid. Disregard the package instructions that says to use water. This is where the knowledge of a southern kitchen comes in to play. Use milk. The lactic acid in the milk helps to soften and plump the grits and makes a very creamy end product. Into a pot: 1 cup of grits 1 cup of water 3 cups of milk 1 - 2 tsp salt Bring to a slow boil, stir so they won't stick to the bottom of the pot. A scorched serving of grits is disgusting and the stench is offensive to the nose. Turn the heat down low to simmer. Cover and cook slowly for about 20 - 25 minutes, stirring occassionally. (Believe me there are no 'quick' grits.) Even at a low heat they can stick. Some cooks add a couple tbsp of butter to the pot, I don't. butter is for serving. When your grits are creamy thick (and you may have to add a little bit of water as they will steam and cook too thick before they are done) remove the pot from the heat, cover and let rest a few minutes. Hot grits will peel the skin off your hands if you are not careful. To serve: test for saltiness. Grits require a lot of salt like potatoes. Add a little until you get it right for your pallet. Remember you can add more but you can't take it out. When you serve them, in a bowl or a plate, put a nice big pat of butter right on top. Mix it in and let it melt. A little black pepper and some scrambled eggs and toast - you have a meal fit for a King. The grits are even better if you grate a little (or alot) of cheese over them. We prefer cheddar. But I have used whatever cheese is in the refrigerator at the moment. Once you have mastered the ability to cook delicious creamy grits you can move on to other masterful recipes. Experiment with garlic. Garlic and cheese grits are excellent. You can mold them in a loaf pan and cut into 1/2 inch thick slices and fry them in with a little of the drippings from ham. You can make brown gravy and serve on the side with chipped beef. Salmon and eggs with grits is to die for! If you really get the hang of the unique and delicate nature of grits you might try a whole ham stuffed with turnips and grits and baked till done. The sky is the limit. My favorite breakfast/supper in summer or winter is nice plate of creamy grits and a ripe fresh tomato sliced paper thin with salt and black pepper. Mmmmmmmm. Now that's good eats! Hoss, don't turn your nose up until you have had a REAL masterfully cooked dish of grits. Grits. It's what's good for you. Flat - Duke's is serious business. My kids (nor I) will eat any other kind unless I make it homemade. This is what you will find in my pantry. It was a proud day when Steven asked, "Where's the Duke's?" when making himself a sandwich! He will not admit to being converted. Yes! The one gallon size. We don't have time for quart jars!