10 Weeks -give or take
My Dearest Piglet,
Some time in the next week you will have reached the gestational age of 10 weeks -at the best calculation of the doctor at this time. I am sitting cross legged on the sofa in the living room and can feel the slightest flutter very low in my abdomen/pelvis. Suddenly I am so overcome with emotion that tears well in my eyes and I can barely see the screen on the laptop in front of me.
One day when you are all grown up you will learn things about me. You will learn I was married to someone else before I married your Daddy. You will be confused and wonder why Colby and Gracie have a different father. You will wonder why your Daddy adopted them (if all things go well with the lawyers and judges to come in the future). You will wonder why J. has a different mother (whom I hope you will never know). One thing you will never wonder about is the all the love that surrounds you -even now as I write this.
Before I met your father, you were a dream -a hope of the future. I never lost hope in the days after my divorce that I would meet someone who would love me unconditionally. I never lost hope that that someone would want more children.
After your Daddy and I married you were still a dream, but a dream of a far different quality than before. You were the dream of a part of me and a part of your Daddy united forever in a way that no one could ever separate. Two parts together making a whole. You slipped from a hope, to a possibility, to an idea.
I don't know what God has in store for us but I pray every day it is to let me hold you in my arms in February. I pray that he lets me watch you and your sisters every day for the rest of my life.
I am still in that stage of pregnancy where things can go wrong. It is a terrifying thing to think of but it is a very real part of reality. The days when the morning sickness subsides for just a little bit I begin to worry something is wrong. When the sickness comes back full force I say a prayer of thanks to God for the assurance that you are still here and every thing is good.
In our excitement your Daddy and I are doing things far to early. We bought a new truck so that we have plenty of room for the family. We talk about your college education (you will learn this is a HUGE thing with your father). I have looked at and started choosing furniture for your bedroom. Daddy has looked at tiny John Deere tractors for little children to play on. Daddy also has plans for a giant wooden swingset/fort for the backyard. Grandpa R. has begun the plans for hand crafting your cradle. Grandma R. has bought you your first outfit. Daddy and I have chosen your name, boy or girl.
We know who you are.
You are our beloved child.
You are our blessing.
You are the grace of God present in our life.
Grow well, little one. Make me sick all you want. Make me cry as often as needed. Leave me restless as often as you see fit. Know now and always that I love you beyond all understanding of the meaning of love.
Love,
Momma
grace v.
Unmerited favor.
Oh good! I was wondering if all was well. Piglet is growing. Momma is throwing up. Maybe only a few more weeks with the stomach stuff? Hang tough.
What a sweet post, Angie. I never thought I'd say this, but "Glad you're feeling sick." LOL!
;) Seriously, I hope the prego-sickies leave soon.
Take care, sweetie!
So good to hear from you. A dear friend of mine is in the same stage as you are and every day as she wallows in the sickness I am grateful for what will hopefully be. It's amazing and I look forward to the chance to do it again myself. In the meantime, I will stay tuned with nothing but lovely thoughts.
Were you crying when you wrote this Ang? Beautiful words. You are so amazing. What a lucky piglet you have.
Thank you so much for sharing such a personal story. Your little one is more then blessed to have such wonderful parents and a loving family waiting.
Who is "J."? I haven't seen that name here, but I'm still kinda new.
I understand your worries about miscarrige, but since you are sick, that's actually a good sign. I stopped getting sick several weeks before I miscarried my second child.
Symptoms of pregnancy (such as morning sickness) are a good sign of a vialbe pregnancy. Try, if you can, to take comfort in them.
If you want to get your mind off things, give us more recipes!
be well little piglet. and thank you Angie for sharing your blessing with us all. it is as if somehow, I can touch it with my fingertips and feel it too.
Angie, I am truly blessed by knowing you through your writings. This is the most wonderful and poignant post I have ever read. YOur children are so lucky to have you as a mother.
I hope you will let piglet read this someday, so she/he can know how very loved she/he was from the very beginning.
It is a very good day when I start it with tears of care and compassion. Thank you.
You're a beauty, Angie. So's Piglet, I bet.
(P.S. When you were choosing names, was "Horsetail Snake" in the running? How high up did I finish?)
I love your heart, Angie. God Bless.
Beautiful post Angie...isn't it great to "hope and pray" you are sick ;0) One lucky little Piglet you have there...isn't she?
Nice. Just really nice. Love your stuff, you are an awfully sweet-hearted person.
It doesn't matter how complicated the family tree becomes, as long as there is love.
This is one lucky baby.
Beautiful post, but I am not going to call that baby Piglet, lol. Poor thing if he/she gets a nic like that and has to carry it throughout life. No I opt we open it up for a vote, or at least a highly debated discussion. I'm leaning toward HLB (Heaven's Little Blessing) or Glock (since Steven fired the shot).
Hoss sent us to say HI.
Hi!
Great post... kids are a blessing from God.
How very beautiful. Sounds like there is a lot of love for this baby to be born into. Congratulations to you and your family.
Found my way here via MommaK's Blogroll game today (where you were wrong about your guess for #1. ;) )
- Mary
Came via the Snake and felt happy/sad remembering what this precious time was like. All my best wishes to you and yours and may all your dreams come true.
What wonderful luck- I was looking for you yesterday because Kenju said nice things about you elsewhere and today Hoss leads the way! This is such a beautifully crafted piece of writing, clearly fueled by overwhelming love. Thank you so much; this is like a gift.
And since it's my first (but definitely not last) time here, let me guess: Your last name is Buick.
Dearborn Ham. Vernors. Twin Pines. Hmm, Lays!
So sweet. I remember that stage of pregnancy. I was very cheerful and happy then, too. It wasn't til I was waddling around big as a house that the good cheer wore off and I started to refer to my growing fetus as "The Beast." Now that he's out, and 5 months old, we get along much better. :)