May 2006 Archives

**Updated Entry Below** ***** Go visit the Perfect Post awards today too! ***** Make sure you visit us over at Mamarazzi. Updates daily. ***** What do you do when you have left over buttermilk that you bought for the past weekend to make fried chicken, biscuits and pancakes? Make pie! Magnolia Pie (Also known as Buttermilk Pie) 1 unbaked 9-inch pie shell 2 cups sugar 1 stick butter, softened 4 tablespoons flour 3 eggs, slightly beaten 1 cup buttermilk 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla In large bowl cream together sugar, butter and flour. Add eggs, buttermilk and vanilla. Pour into unbaked pie shell and bake for 1 hour at 325 degrees or until a butter knife inserted in center comes out clean. Sometimes it does have to cook longer than an hour. Ring your pie shell with tinfoil if it is browning too quickly before your pie is set. Chill before serving. Now before you turn your nose up at the thought of buttermilk for a pie just remind yourself that this is really a custard type recipe and the pie will be smooth and creamy and sweet as well as delicious! *****Update***** Della asked if this was the same as a chess pie. A most excellent question! In some places the name buttermilk pie and chess pie are interchangable. For me they are distinctly different. The buttermilk pie is make with buttermilk and the chess pie is made with vinegar (in a different portion ratio). There are cooks who claim the name "Chess Pie" derived from 'cheese' not that the pie has cheese in it but because the mixture creates a curd texture and some are of the school that it got its name from keeping well in the pie chest. Me, I just think it is good -and where I come from the pie was kept in a Pie Safe (Terminology is everything! LOL). I am going to add some variations of the recipe here so that you can see how versitile this pie is. Lemon Chess Pie 1 9-inch pie shell, unbaked 4 eggs 1 1/2 cups granulated sugar 1/2 cup melted butter (not margarine) 1 tablespoon plus 2 teaspoons cornmeal 3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice 1 tablespoon finely grated lemon peel pinch salt Preheated oven to 325°. Beat eggs well. Add sugar, butter, and cornmeal. Beat well after each addition. Stir in lemon juice, grated lemon peel, and salt. Pour into unbaked pie shell. Bake until set, about 30 to 35 minutes, or until a knife inserted near center comes out clean. Chill before serving. Coconut Chess Pie 1 stick butter (real butter, not margarine) 1 1/2 cups granulated sugar 3 eggs, beaten 1 cup flaked coconut 2 teaspoons vinegar 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla Preheated oven to 350°. Combine butter and sugar in saucepan; heat, stirring, until melted and well blended. Combine all ingredients and mix. Pour into an unbaked pie shell. Bake for about 1 hour or until a knife inserted in center comes out clean. Chill before serving. Pineapple Chess Pie 1 cup crushed pineapple, drained 2 cup sugar 1 tb cornstarch 1 cup coconut 4 eggs 1 stick butter (not margarine) 1 ts vanilla 1 9inch pie shell, baked Preheated oven to 325°. Mix all the ingredients; pour into pie crust. Bake 30 to 40 minutes, until done and a butter knife inserted in the center pulls out clean. Chill before serving.

Make sure you visit us over at Mamarazzi. Updates daily. ***** My sister and I grew up used to the idea of getting in the truck or car or jeep with my stepfather and just going for a ride. No purpose whatsoever other than to just ride around and look and see what makes up the world around us. I love to ride around and gaze out of the window and take in everything. Ohhh and ahhh over houses and breathtaking views. My sister and I are not the only ones. My brother-in-law likes nothing better than to get out and just ride. We did so Sunday afternoon. Steve did the driving and I don't think he was too happy with me having him stop the middle of the road/highway/intersection so that we could make photos. While my sister and I drive from the backseat and used our imaginary brake pedals we did manage to end up exactly where I have been wanting to go since moving here. We live in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains. We live in a place that is so beautiful at times it takes my breath away. I stand in awe at the tops of mountains. I can feel the power of God when I look out across all the He created. These are some of the things we saw. We saw cows giving birth.
Land for sale.
Backs of houses.
Fronts of houses.
Houses that could be seen only from the height of another mountain.
Deer in the mountains.
The view going up the mountain.
The view coming down the mountain.
The view at dusk from the very top of the mountain.
A baby bird looking for food from its Mommy at the bottom of the mountain.
A very satisfied baby bird who can put away melting ice cream in no time flat at the bottom of the moutain where he lives.

Make sure you visit us over at Mamarazzi. Updates daily. ***** 6 beds: Linens changed, includes ironing and french linen water 5 bedrooms: Mopped, dusted, and fresh flowers cut and placed in vases by the beds (I cut my pink peonies that have just opened and made small arragements.) Grocery bought, put away and some of the cooking completed. Floors mopped, carpets vacuumed, furniture polished and laundry almost completed. ETA 2 hours. Pork for pulled pork BBQ cooking. Ribs marinating. Coleslaw made. Potato salad made. Baked beans waiting to bake. Gallons of tea and lemonaide chilling. I am now ahead of the game! :-) For those concerned about my post mentioning Steven had purchased a shotgun. We live in the United States of America. We exercise our 2nd amendment right. We live in an area of Virginia infested with groundhogs. They are a rodent that is listed as a vermin and a pest. They will eat a garden overnight. They ruin field crops. They also tunnel and damage not only fields but property. They burrow under the foundation of farm buildings and cause major $$$'s worth of damage. It is legal and lawful to shoot them. We do. Our barn has sustained major damage over the past year and my garden is suffering drastically.

The Second Amendment, as passed by the House and Senate and later ratified by the States, reads: "A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed."

Make sure you visit us over at Mamarazzi. Updates daily. My mother has led us on for the almost two months now that she intended to come visit for the long Memorial Day weekend. She had not fully committed because her back has been giving her problems. A ruptured disk from many many years ago has decided to rear its ugly head and she feared driving for 8 hours would cause her many problems. Monday she decided it would be ill advised to try and drive up alone. She called to say she was sorry but wouldn't be coming after all. This news led to great disappointment for Gracie who was almost in tears and a long sad face from Colby. For me it was almost a sigh of relief because when my mother comes it is a lot of work. Who am I kidding? It is an assload of work. Not only the preparing for her arrival and making sure her room is fit for a queen but the planning of meals and entertaining her and knowing that I will have to have the same gossip conversations over and over again the entire weekend when she can't think of anything else to say. (What is wrong with a little silence?) And there is also the shopping. I am not in to the shopping and the shopping and the shopping. What is up with having to shop everywhere you go? So imagine my surprise when she called yesterday to say she had changed her mind and would be coming up on friday evening. Imagine my greater surprise when she wanted to know if four people would be too many, meaning my sister, her husband and daughter would be coming with her. Imagine the look on my face when last night the number changed to five people. So here is my weekend - entertaining my mother, my sister, her husband, her daughter and her teenage son. How much do you want to bet someone goes home mad and/or with hurt feelings because they or their children where not catered to enough? Oh, it is going to be shits and giggles around here soon. Do I have to tell you I am in the full throws of the PMS without the P? Fun, fun, fun. Don't get me wrong I want to see my momma. She hasn't seen the baby since he was born. My sister hasn't seen him at all. I want them to come visit and see him and all of that mooshy good stuff. But couldn't they have decided this and let me know a week ago instead of last night? I have less than two days to prepare bedrooms for 5 extra people, plan and buy groceries in order to feed them along with my weekly list of chores that I have put off in order to get the yards in order. I'll see ya'll when the washing, mopping, waxing, dusting, menu planning, grocery buying and nervous breakdown are finished. I am just a ball of fun right now.

Make sure you visit us over at Mamarazzi. Updates daily. I am over in Petroville today. Come visit.

A walking tour just like the local Ladies Garden Club but you don't have to buy a ticket and I am not wearing a hat and gloves. Come on up to the house. Just past the house take the little path to the right before you get to the car garage. These red roses are from three different plants. One plant is an old fashion rose. The blooms are so heavenly scented. The other bushes are like the american beauty varieties but I can't say for sure that is what they are. Just at the end of the little path that leads to the koi pond and the little garden bench is the lone rose. It produces only a few blooms once every year. I think it doesn't get enough sun. The root stock is very old so I am not going to move it for fear it may not survive. This is a lovely shadey place to sit. I prefer to sit here in late evening just before dark as the little garden lights are beginning to come on. The trickle of the water, croak of the frogs and scent of the flowers makes for a very peaceful moment alone. It is almost healing when sitting here. Just behind the bench are these pink old fashion roses. To the end of the little path entering the orchard are more traditional pink roses. These are so delicately scented. They are perhaps my favorites. They need a good dose of bone meal and blood meal. At the end of the orchard where the wisteria grows is this lovely red rose. Last year it bloomed once. This year it is showing signs of improvement. At the very end, near the bend of the front drive is this very old rose. It did nothing last year and I nearly cut it down. I have no idea it was a rose bush -tree sort of. Only this spring has it budded out and even has new branches. Back in the fall I butchered and hacked at it and I told it should it do nothing this spring I had no choice but to assume it was dead. Now it is blooming. Those blooms hang in the air about eight feet. I can't reach them to give you a little prospective. The view from the bottom of the orchard looking back up toward the koi pond. The arbor is the wisteria and the red rose. I am adding this shot so you can see the peonies. The bloom heads are so very heavy they won't stand up. The peonies at the side of the house and the grill house are all open. I love this color pink too. Yesterday I continued my 'Angie Do' list. After cutting grass I spent the afternoon trimming around the fence and putting out roundup. If you have ever seen morning glories take over a fence you will understand the need for roundup. I put out 5 gallons yesterday. Early in the morning I also mopped on 6 gallons of wood sealer on the deck. It soaked in as fast as I could put it on. This is a similar view of the back of the house from last year. Huge difference. I really need to think about landscaping around the pool. Any ideas? And finally my beautiful happy boy who makes my heart ache from loving him so much. He is the youngest blossom in my garden. And that concludes our tour. Punch and cookies are being served on the front lawn. Enjoy. Make sure you visit us over at Mamarazzi. Updates daily.

It was a big weekend here with MUCH work being done. I am nowhere near being caught up on my to do list but we are slowly mucking through it. Finish chipping and shredding along fence line Pressure wash back deck Pressure wash side porch and concrete Build new steps to the tobacco barn (now pool house) Cut down self seeding brush from along fence line. Weed eat along backyard fencing inside and out Haul away 2 loads of debris Go to Lowes and watch Steven choose MANY tools because he insists he can't build/cut/plan any project without new power tools. Come home with router, workbench and bit set. Realize he is researching shotguns. Go with him to purchase one along with a case, cleaning kit, ammo etc etc etc Take trash to the landfill. Come outside shortly after and see he left half the trash in his hurry to get to the dump and back. (what the hell is up with this? EVERY single weekend when he has to take off the garbage he leaves garbage behind because he 'did know it was trash"!! How can this be?) Make 2 trips to Walmart. For bucket and cheap mop for deck sealer. Come back with those items plus 2 movies, kids a bathing suit and pool noodles. Start taking photos of the work being done then forget and only have a couple of 'In the beginning' photos not worth the effort to down load and upload to the journal. Fall into bed each night with tired body, sore arms and a wonderful sense of jobs well done. Be the one to wake up during the night to feed the baby more than once while a husband snores away the minutes oblivious to any signs of life around him.

I am not here today. I am over here. Come on over. Go ahead. Click.

Make sure you visit us over at Mamarazzi. Updates daily. ****** Last night I woke up several times and looked at the clock. 10pm - Nineteen years ago my water broke. 11:30pm - At the hospital, trying my best to have some dignity during natural childbirth when I was little more than a child myself. At 20 what do we really know about life? 12:25am - A baby girl was wrapped in a blanket and placed in my arms. She blinked up at me with those dark newborn alien eyes. Searching my face. She took my heart in that moment. The best gift I had ever been given. Pink roses on a white cake, similar to her first birthday cake, only her first birthday cake was from Smoake's Bakery and it is now closed and you can't get the most magnificent cake in the world any longer. It has nineteen pale pink candles to blow out. Last year was a very important birthday. The big 18. Legal Adult. Registered voter. Driving. Finished high school. Started college. So many milestones to look forward too. It was all new and exciting. On the brink of a brave new chapter in her life. Nineteen balloons. This year. Not really a milestone. The last year as a teenager. But not a big birthday like 21 is. Yet one very much looked forward too by the birthday girl. She has finished her first year of college. She is planning and preparing and really moving into adulthood. It is not a day dream or fairytale. Her life is taking shape. She is guiding her own ship into her own future. Nineteen birthday cards. I am very proud of her. This young woman. My baby. My first love. I fell in love with her all those many years ago with just one glance and I am still in love with her to this day. I am smitten. She takes me by surprise and leaves me speechless with her intellect, her wit, her humor and her perfect timing with the perfect comeback lines. Nineteen doughnuts in a 'cake' with nineteen candles to blow out for birthday breakfast. Where does all of this time go when it passes us by? How can nienteen years have slipped up on me and I saw it coming but it didn't register? Nineteen presents to open. Why have I been teary eyed the past few days? I look at her and a lump forms in my throat. I try to swallow it away or I turn my face until the tears can be blinkled out of my eyes. I am really having a hard time with this new age. Next it will be twenty. Then some boy will come along and sweep her off her feet and take her away from me. The next thing you know I'll be a grandmother for pete's sake. This has to stop right now! I don't like this circus ride. I want off. I need to catch my breath. Nobody told me nineteen years ago that today would be so very hard on my heart. And a birthday party baby to make it complete. My oldest baby holding my youngest baby. Somebody please stop the world for a minute and let me get off. This is totally blowing me away this morning. My emotions are so strong I am completely overwhelmed. Last night we had birthday dessert because J. was here and it is important that she get to share in the celebration. This morning we had birthday breakfast. Saturday we will go out for sushi. Maybe there will be a few more surprises. You never know. The greatest surprise has been how hard it is for me to let her grow up. When did this young woman replace my tiny 7lb 1/2oz baby girl?

Happy Birthday, my sweet darling girl.
I love you, Colby.
Love,
Momma

Make sure you visit us over at Mamarazzi. Updates daily. ****** Yesterday I got nothing done. Nothing. Not one thing. After a busy week, busy weekend, and not enough sleep the grey morning and cool air left me lazy beyond lazy. I napped a few times yesterday, nursed the baby, visited a few of you and not much else beyond preparing supper. Last week was a flurry of activity as the pool was finished. Now we are just waiting for the builders to schedule the cover fitting and the concrete work needed to anchor said cover. Which reminds me I need to buy chlorine tabs. Mother's day was busy. I recieved lovely cards from everyone. But even on Mother's Day there is much to be done and one is still Momma, the great be all wonder that makes everything function properly. My kitchen project is kind of in a holding pattern. I haven't gotten much done than where I stopped in the middle of last week. But I do plan to plow ahead quickly this week and get things moving again. because next week I have a summer class at the community college I am really looking forward to taking. It involves local history and a field tip or two involving some very old and historic homes I am nashing my teeth at to get to see. This is how it is going so far - This is a photo of how the kitchen looked when we came to see the house before purchasing. I am posting it because I can't find my folder of photos that I have taken. On the far right of the photo is a double glass door and a bank of windows. Completely unseen and hidden. They had put a hutch and a refrigerator in front of those areas and completely blocked them out. We didn't know there was a double door nor the window until much later. These lights are flourescent. They are blindingly bright except when you are at the counter working. Then you are standing in your own shadow and cannot see a thing. Here on the right you can see the tops of the window. We did not know that was a bank of windows until our third visit. We replaced those lights and added a ceiling fan. This part of the house was not air conditioned at the time. It has nine and a half foot ceilings and the heat just hangs in the air in the dead summer. Also we added some task lighting and plan to install some under the cabinet lighting when the painting is finished. I really want to replace those cabinets with something nicer and in the color of a nice dark cognac. For now that part of the budget for the kitchen was spent on living during the 5 months Steven spent working for his company for no pay :( . I had to find a suitable way to brighten and enhance the look of the kitchen without buying new cabinets. I have taken to painting them. The color is everard chamber white. It is a kitchen and trim enamel paint in the Williamsburg collection of historic colors. On the left where there is paint smeared on the blue strip on the wall. That is where a room divider was on both sides. With these built in shelve things that were detracting and annoying. I took a sledge hammer to those shelves and posts and took them down opening the room up into a full length 27 foot room. It will be a kitchen/dining/den area for the family. -When I ever finish, that is. Instead of dumping everything out and having a gigantic mess everywhere I have been emptying one cabinet at a time. The cabinets have to be vacuumed, then cleaned, allowed to dry before 2 (sometimes3) coats of primer/sealer goes on (I am using Kilz) and then 2 nice coats of this luscious paint that is soooo very sexy to paint with! Once everything has had 24 hours to cure the cabinets are arranged and everything put back in its place. It makes for slow going but at the end of the day we are able to move around in the kitchen and there is very little by way of debris to have to clean up or stumble over. It has been raining part of the last several days so the painting of the cabinet doors has stalled. I like to paint them outside in the bright heat of the sun. They dry MUCH quicker and can go back up at the end of the day. That wallpaper is nasty. It was put up over the drywall BEFORE the drywall was primed or painted. Oh what fun that crap is to remove. I am looking at tin ceiling tiles to replace it with. First I have to find the perfect ceiling tile! I have managed to keep Steven entertained and get one coat of primer and paint on at a time usually though while he is napping. Colby is home from school now so it will be a huge blessing to have her to lend a hand both with the painting and keeping the baby happy. I have been hesitant to brag on what a good baby he is for the fear the powers that be might hear and knock me down a notch or two. But he is. I have never had a baby that would sit in a swing for 30 minutes or so or even one who would nap during the day. He swings, he naps and is generally happy. Which makes doing things around the house much easier than I ever dreamed. I am watching him now as he naps in the morning sun. He is the most delicious looking baby! How did I get to be so lucky?

Make sure you visit us over at Mamarazzi. Updates daily. ****** Dear Angie, I have a 12 year old step-daughter. She is beginning to take an interest in her appearance and clothing. Her mother does not provide her with trendy clothes. Most of her clothing is hand-me-downs or clothing from previous years. The clothing she already owns she has been wearing for a couple of years. This bothers me because even if the clothes can still be put on it doesn't mean they "fit". Shorts that were once mid-thigh are now daisy dukes but because she can still squeeze into them her mother has not bothered to buy her more than one or two new summer outfits in the past two or three years. I buy outfits for her to keep here so that she is dressed 'in fashion' so to speak but we do not buy clothing to send home with her because 1)they do not come back or 2)she is sent to school in them several times before they are washed and 3)the clothes are never ironed and properly taken care of. She has come to us in clothing so wrinkled I could not iron the creases out. She has also come to us in unwashed clothes remarking her mother: "didn't feel like doing laundry this week". Also my stepdaughter wants to wear her hair in different styles. By not looking a mirror and not using a brush or comb when making pigtails or ponytails she thinks her hair looks cute. Somedays when she asks me how she looks I want to cry. We have mirrors in our house she could use. She has a dresser with mirror in her bedroom. She just doesn't use it. Why?!? When she is with us I help her. She is well dressed, clean and her hair combed. When she is not with us she is often dressed salvation army style. Her hair is rarely washed. She most likely has not had a bath in several days. It hurts my husband to see her this way. He pays a small fortune in child support monthly. By looking at his child you can assume it is not spent on her or her clothing. The mother is remarried. The household has two fulltime working adults and no other children to support. How can I help my stepdaughter? How can I help her fit in at school with other girls when there is no support from the other side? I do not want her to be the girl that is laughed at or talked about or not chosen as a friend because of what she wears. I also do not want the opposite of this because of what she does wear. Do you know what I mean? What would you do faced with my situation? Help! Stumbling Stepmother Dear Stumbling, First off I want to know who you are and why are you living my life? Secondly, what the mother does and doesn't do isn't your affair. Stay out of it. If your husband takes a notion to discuss it with her STAY OUT OF IT. Believe me, you do not want the problems that come with telling another woman how to raise her child. It is sad but true. Thirdly, at the age of 12 your stepdaughter is old enuogh to know she needs to bathe daily. She is old enough to know when her hair needs washing. If she is taking an interest in fashion and her appearance this is your chance to teach her a few basics. Perhaps you and your husband could sit her down and have a talk about hygeine and school yard gossip. Continue to help her by influencing her in good ways. Put together a toiletry bag with scented shower gel or soap, a good shampoo and conditioner, deoderant, a brush and comb set, a mirror and to make it more fun add a colorless lips gloss and delicately scented perfume for a girl her age, maybe even a nail polish. I would start with clear or a pale color. Show her what she needs to know while she is with you and pray your influence is strong when she is away. Remember to encourage the good habits and down play the bad. The clothing issue is another tough call. Provide for the child while she is in your care. Hope for the best when she is with her mother. At best begin teaching her how to wash her clothing and if necessary how to use an iron. You might want to have her help you with her laundry so she will learn how to properly take care of her clothes herself. My girls learned to iron by practising on pillow cases, sheets and old shirts. I would love to tell you so many other things to do but in all honesty you will be stirring up a ton of trouble with the mother. Even with the best of intentions and said in the nicest way the exwife will most likely resent being told anything by the new wife. Be thankful you have been put in the child's life and can teach her things she would most likely miss out on in any other circumstance. I am sorry I can't really help you much more with this one. Good luck to you. Dear Angie, Your post the other day was pretty harsh. I am a working mother and my chld is in day care. I liked you before but I now think you are mean. A Very Sad Fan Dear Sad Fan, Cherry up. Just because I think something doesn't mean you have to think the same way. Yes, I can be harsh. I see black and white and very few grey areas in most cases. But I will clarify what I was trying to say before. There is nothing at all wrong with structured pre-school and mommy day out programs. Those are very healthy for mother and child a few hours at the time. Mother who have no choice those women break my heart. I know the sadness and ache of leaving your child in order to earn money to put food on the table. I have trouble with working moms who don't have to work and keep their children in daycare all the time. Example: MotherX worked full time. She did not have too. She put her child in daycare. The child was taken to daycare at just after 6am and not picked up until the last minute at just before 6pm. Even on the days the mother had off. She then had the nerve to complain about the child being fussy and whining and difficult every evening and blah blah blah and yack yack yack until I wanted to slap her. I ran across a few blogs a while back. The writers bitched and moaned about the child and the whining and how it was getting on their nerves and how they wished there was such a thing as weekend daycare. Also a few comments on bedtime didn't come quick enough. Let's take inventory here: 12 hours in daycare. 10 hours sleeping. 2 hours with the strange woman who calls herself the mama. I would be a cranky whiney kid too. The mother is a stranger. The people at the daycare where all the time is spent are the people the child has developed a relationship with. Why bother to have kids at all? So you can call me mean. I probably am most days. But unless you are one of those women in the example I'll probably still like you a lot. And think you are pretty. Disclaimer: Responses to letters to Dear Angie are solely the opinion of Angie. Don't take things too seriously. Angie takes everything with a grain of salt added. Send letters to Dear Angie at bigredcouch at gmail dot com.

Pssst ... Yes, you. Over here ... Go on. Click. Happy Mother's Day!

All of the previous posts are things I have started writing at some time or another in the recent past. They are rambling and icky in some places and not quite what I was trying to say when they were started. When I began writing ages ago I made an agreement with myself that whatever I wrote was for myself and I wouldn't not publish it. So today I have clicked publish on all the posts I have written over the past months with thoughts of Mother's Day in mind. I have chosen and sent my mother a card. Chose a card for Steven's mother. Chose cards for the kids to send to both. I find many of the cards to be too sugar sweet and over the top and therefore it takes ages to find the right card. I have looked through the jumble of past Mother's Day cards from my kids. I have smiled at the struggling spelling, the crayola illustrations, the cutout paper teapots with tea bags stapled in the little pockets, the pressed flowers, the notes and letters. Each one says the same thing. Happy Mother's Day. That is my wish for you. A happy Mother's Day. Updated to add -- The answer to the game show quiz? 3 days. Actually 3 hours shy of 3 days old. Jennifer and Jak are the winners! In all fairness CCAP and Donna are winners too, guessing 2 days because he didn't turn 3 days old until 3 hours later. Send me your snail mail address and I'll send you your prizes, Ladies! :-)

I don't know if I should laugh or be frightened.

When you are standing in front of those long racks of greeting cards designed for Mother's day what are you thinking? Do yo feel obligated to purchase a card? When is a phone call not acceptable in place of a card? Do you find the cards to be too sugary sweet? Do you buy cards only for your mother or do you choose the card(s) for your Mother-In-Law as well? Do you purchase one card and put everyone's name on it or do you buy the grandmother's cards, etc. and send those separate from your own? Do you look forward to receiving cards from your family? Do you feel your husband should give you a card? You are the mother of his children not his mother. How should that work?

When Colby was little there were times when I had no choice but to work. It meant the difference in eating or not. It wasn't until the summer before she started grade school that I was forced to find 'daycare'. My husband at the time was faced with accepting a pay cut or lose his job completely. The difference in pay put us inbetween a rock and a hard place. There was no way I could not work for the summer. It literally meant spending all of the tiny savings we had and still the possibility of not having electricity or going without groceries. For the two and a half months prior to entering grade school I dropped her off at a home daycare. She hated it. She hated the woman providing the care, too. So there I was. My child crying every morning. Me off at work unable to meet her needs. A dwindling checking account. A very depressing time in my life. I did not complain, piss or moan about the situation. I put my butt in gear worked harder, saved more and got us through that tough time. I could have used a few good stiff drinks back then but that meant spending money and spending it on booze would have gotten us nowhere fast. I vowed then that it wasn't worth it at all to live that way. I searched out other ways and never had to depend on a childcare service. I am very traditional. I believe the role of the mother is to raise the children when the father is working to provide. I also believe that role can be reversed at any time. Fathers are as equally important. I am very much in the Dr. Laura Schlessinger school of thought. Having children is a major responsibility. When you choose to have a baby you should realize you are choosing to set aside alot of things for yourself and focusing on the best for your child. Those first few years are so very important to their development. How can an outsider teach your child your morals, ethics, rights from wrongs? Why should the daycare provider be allowed to receive the rewards of the first words and first steps and a million other firsts? Those first years of marriage and parenting were such a struggle. We got through them but honestly I look back and don't know how we did it other than sheer willpower and determination. I am grateful in part to the struggle. There were alot of life lessons learned in those few short years. When Gracie came along I was able to stay at home with her. Those days were the most incredible. Double the pleasure actually. That is also the year I began homeschooling Colby. I was able to devote much more of myself to both of my girls than ever before. When money was tight I took a job substitute teaching and later took a job with the school system that allowed me to bring Gracie with me. As I sit back now I do know at times I toot my horn. I have struggled and sacrificed alot to be a hands on mom. I have managed to raise two exceptional children and it is just as much because of who they are as it is my influence on them. With so many years of growth and experience behind me I see motherhood in an entirely different light with the birth of my son. I know not to take one minute for granted. I dare not forget the total responsibility required of me. Somehow with his birth it seems to be an ever greater sense of responsibility than ever before. I can only reason that with his birth there has come age and maturity and a bit more wisdom. Being a mother is so much more than just being a parent. While it is nice to think that having a father is as good as having a mother I can tell you it is not. A mother is far different than a father the same as mothering is so completely different from parenting. If you have yet so see those difference you need to give yourself more time in the role of both. There are huge differences. It is similar to being a first time mom and the light going on and seeing how silly it is to think pets can be like children. Oh, I love to see that light go on and it isn't anything that can be explained except by the experience. My parents divorced when I was a small child. A few years later my father died. I have no idea what it is like to be the daughter of a father. It is an experience I crave. Seeing women like my grandmother and my mother-in-law crave the experience of being a daughter of a mother is heartbreaking. Both of these strong wonderful women and mothers lost their own mother in early childhood. The loss is one that is painful beyond anything I can being to explain nor fully comprehend. With Mother's Day coming up it is really hitting me in the softest spots of my heart of all the mother's and mothering that is being missed out on. I think of the children I know (and don't know) who have lost their mother and wonder what they think and feel in the midst of days like this Sunday? I ache for the women who have lost their children and wonder if the day is a day of celebration or one they blot out. While we are celebrating how many of us stop and give a moment of comfort to those who might be longing/hurting/suffering on Mother's Day?

This is probably going to cost me alot of readers. And that is okay. This is my journal. This is where I write what I think and feel. Alot of this is past due to be said. So I am saying it. Sometimes the truth hurts. In August of 1986 I got pregnant for the very first time. I was excited yet somewhat afraid. I anticipated the birth of this baby inside me wondering how on earth I was going to raise another human being. Through those months of preparing for the birth, decorating the nursery, choosing a name, I found the answer to the question. When the time came I let the baby lead me. I let her show me what she needed and wanted for first few days and weeks. As I learned my natural instincts took over. Maybe it is because I was exposed to babies throughout my growing up years. Maybe it is because all I ever wanted to be was a momma with lots of little babies. Maybe it is because this is who I am supposed to be. Maybe it is because I am stubborn and don't like to be told what to do. Those could be the answer. The question is: Why do so many woman seem to need books, magazines, articles and websites to be able to raise their children? And with that question I want to know why is that women who seem to want to write the books, magazines, articles and websites also give off an aire that they don't raise their children well and often seem to neglect their child while they perfect their craft of writing about parenting? I also want to know what in the hell gives some of these women with babies and no experience whatsoever in the toddler, young childhood, tween, teen and early adulthood stages the idea that they have advice we all need? They know shit about shit and just blow their own horn in some attempt to draw attention in the "look at me, look at me" toddler fashion. It pisses me off, heh, truthfully it makes me fucking angry, that these women think they have something to tell me (and many of you) when I (we) have been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and watched the damn thing become riddled with holes from old age. There seems to be some huge intellectual cult of women out there who are mothers and need a book to figure out how to parent their child. Let me tell you something if you need a book to tell you how to parent how do you expect to mother your child? Mothering and parenting are two different things. I am not saying I know everything. If I did I would be qualified to write the book. I am not saying my way is the perfect way. Believe me perfection is not mainstream here. The way I was raised was that when you had a baby you bucked up, buckled down and did right by your child. You set limits and bounderies and you had some common sense about what to expect and how to handle the pit falls. You grew up and took full responsibility for yourself and the child. Putting the child's needs far above your own. We women can have it all. But at some point there is an expense to be paid in some area. No one has declared that to be whole and fulfilled you must have it all. Some mothers have to work and that is a situation where I do not consider it as 'having it all'. For those who choose to work and let others raise their children simply because they need to be 'fulfilled' you make me hang my head in shame. Going to work and leaving your baby with a daycare or a sitter or a nanny is the easy way out. Staying home and taking responsiblity for the life that has been given for your care is the tougher, harder, more challenging road. When you have the choice to stay home and you choose to leave home and to work and then write about the anxiety of leaving your child all day, to put it simply, you are nothing but a selfish bitch and you don't deserve to have that child waiting for you to return. My heart breaks for all the women who have no choice and have to go to a job everyday to be able to provide for their family. If this were a perfect world and I was the billionaire I wished I were this is where being the quiet benefactor would be so rewarding. People qualified to give advice are women like Bonnie (12 babies), my ex mother-in-law (God rest her soul) (9 babies), my grandmother (6 Babies) and so many more. So suddenly what makes pill popping, nervous breakdown waiting to happen, first time mothers, mothers to small children with no experience with older children, dysfunctional, whining, never satisfified, complainers, etc, etc, etc, the icon of knowledge that the upcoming generation of young mothers is supposed to hold up as an example? This internet thing is a strange yet fascinating place. (It is no secret I met my husband through this media.) The women who should be garnering fame and glory (not to mention $$) go ignored and overlooked by all of the powers that be. If the current 'icons' are the only example my daughters had to follow I would hang my head in shame. I am thinking I must be the oddity in this here life. I have a daughter who will be 19 next week. She has never been in trouble. She has never done anything to make me ashamed of her. She has both feet planted firmly on solid ground. Her head is filled with dreams and plans for a sweet life. She doesn't want to conquer the world but she has the skills and the intelligence to do so if she wanted to. Being a mother is important to her. I know she will be an awesome momma. I have an 8 year old daughter who even now is determined to conquer the world. I have to keep a slightly tighter reign on her. She is strong and smart and funny. She knows the limits and bounds and has never crossed them. She has a guilt streak a mile wide and it will eat her alive if she doesn't do right by those with less than she has. I have an 11 year old step-daughter. I have set the bar and the example in a life where there was no example for mothering and being allowed to enjoy being female. I have had to reteach alot of thinking and very bad child rearing that put a tabu palor on being a girl. She is a child who is learning to celebrate being female and enjoying all of the possibilties that being a woman means. I was a surrogate mother. I carried an embryo to full term. I gave birth to a baby boy who is absolutly amazing. I love him dearly but I am not his mother. I have never had the instinct to mother him. Never. His mother is my best friend. She has never tried to withhold him from me. I have never tried to take him from her. It was the most incredible experience of my life. One which I think has had major influence on my ability to love unconditionally. 3 months shy of 20 years of being a parent I have a 3 month old son. A beautiful boy who is so sweet and so good. Having a baby I the house hasn't stopped all normal functioning. Life goes on and he comes with the flow - meals are cooked, laundry is washed, floors are swept, grass is cut, internet is surfed, websites are launched, among a million other things and he has learned to cope with them all. I am hoping and praying and planning for another pregnancy this summer. I want to do it all again. I am battling with the knowledge that having one more baby will not satisfy this urge in me. One more will never be enough. I know if I have another I will still always want one more. I don't need advice. I don't need someone to pat me on the back. I don't need a pat on the head either that is for dogs. I understand many woman do need advice and want advice. Those that do I sincerely beg them to look to older woman who have had much experience and loads of common sense. The rockstar bloggers who are now the icons for modern motherhood and parenting are setting up a lot of young women for major pitfalls and emotional troubles in this life. Motherhood is to be revered. It is the hardest job and the biggest responsiblity a woman will ever undertake. Doing it well takes a lot of effort. We each have to find our on way down the path but it is not a path we take alone. It is not a path that has never been traveled before we take our trip down it. It is a path that can be lined with sweet scented flowers and a lots of thorny branches. To set an example, to do this thing every day with grace requires respect. Respect for yourself and your child. Protecting their dignity and setting a moral example. To all the young woman who may run across this peice please take a tiny bit of advice before leaving here. Show respect for your children. Show respect for yourself. Leave your footprints each day knowing you have done so with dignity. You must protect the dignity of your children. Don't use a blog to gain some sense of the 15 minutes of fame by selling your children's dignity for a few laughs and full comments box. I am just rambling here. Hitting and missing many targets along the way of these thoughts and emotions that are swirling in my head. There are several points that probably need clarification. Leave your thoughts in the comments area and I'll reply to them. ******* The answer to the game show quiz? 3 days. Actually 3 hours shy of 3 days old. Jennifer and Jak are the winners! In all fairness since Donna is a winner too. She guessed 2 days. She is correct because he didn't turn 3 days until 3 hours later. Send me your snail mail address and I'll send you your prizes, Ladies! :-)

I am going to give you all 1 more day for the last minute voters on yesterdays post. In the meantime, watch this. Should I be embarrassed that I remember every single one of these?

You are the next contestant on The Big Red Couch! The rules are very simple. Mere child's play. Guess the age of my baby in these photos. The person who guesses correctly will receive a selection of fine jams, jellies and preserves from my pantry of delicious homemade goodness. Imagine yourself waking on a cool spring morning. The scent of coffee wafting through the kitchen. You need just a bite of something to get you through the morning. You are not hungry for a full blown breakfast. What will you do? If you are the winner of this contest you will be supping on bread smothered in the sweet goodness of Angie's personal favorite jam and jelly! Yes, you! I'll get the ball rolling here and will tell you this - Steven was 3 months old on Sunday. Count his age in hours, days, weeks or months. The correct answer wins! These are some of my very favorite photos. I could just gobble him up! Why must they grow up so quickly? Get ready. Get set. Go!

Things have really picked up in pace over the weekend here. Just how big of a change? This big - The view of my backyard from the attic window this morning.We were left on November 3, 2005 with this for a backyard. It sat like this from November until this past weekend. Then a flurry of activity began as the weather had warmed up enough to be able to continue the construction process. These guys work fast.An electrician was scheduled for friday. He was a no show. The plaster guys were to come on Saturday. They went to the wrong job first. The water guy called he was on his way. Had to cancel. About two and a half hours later they were finished.Finally the plaster guys show up at 7:22am on a sunday morning. WTH is up with that? Where I come from no one does work on Sunday morning. It never fails to surprise how you can get just about anything done in Northern Virginia on a Sunday. Even a doctor appointment. Yes! How surreal for me. The plaster was pretty much considered dry but it is the water that actually cures it. It is all done in the same day.It took three of these beasts filled with water to fill the hole in the ground. This truck brought 5000 gallons of water. Another truck brought two loads of water at 4300 gallons a load. It takes longer than you think to empty a truck.That is somewhere in the neighborhood of 13,600 gallons of clorinated city water works water. MUCH longer.About 3 hours later the pool was finally filled. The girls sat out by the pool every minute possible anticipating the moment that would come when the pool was finally full of water. They saved everything from last summer to have on hand immediately without having to look for it.These two were bound and determined to get in as soon as the water was in. The water temperature was below 60F.Did I mention what the temperature was yesterday? Don't let all of that sunshine fool you. Official temperatureYes, you see correctly. Tomorrow I must tell you about the shoes the plaster guys wear.

Thank you guys for reassuring me. I really needed the support. You see, Steve counts on me to be his pillar to lean on when things get rough. He expects me to be able to cut through the emotions and have a level headed, distanced view and opinion in situations where he is bogged down in emotion. And the same thing applies to me. This makes us a team. We are a united front. Thank you all for the suggestions. The job was offered 5 months ago. It has long been filled. So no, that is not even an option. We talked about this a great deal yesterday. He called through his day and we talked last night. This is our home. We don't plan to leave it. We are building a life for ourselves. No, we will not go traipsing off behind an ex-spouse for any reason. They have a life to live and so do we. Seriously, what you know of me do I appear to be the type that would do such a thing? Ha! Never! Yes, this is very stressful. But it is also very liberating. Steve and I are the type of people who don't swing back and forth very often on issues we have already decided. He made up his own mind on a course of action. Now that the pearls have been cast the getting used to the idea has to take place. That is where he was last night. Resigning himself to what may (or may not) happened in the future. Nothing is set in stone at this point. Everything could stay the same as it is now or things could change. Getting used to the idea of a change I think is part of the healing and a huge coping method that gets one through one upset before the second shoe drops. There wil be no moping around and being a sadsack. Nothing is going to change any time soon. I refuse to let what may happen (at some point in the future that we can't even pin point now) pull us down. No time for that. Life is for living now. We have a lot of living to do before we have to face any such plan as suggested. You can't enjoy today if you have to keep worrying about tomorrow. I am resigned to letting the tomorrows take care of themselves for a while. If they can't, well, they will just have to wait until I get there to deal with them. Workers are coming today to begin the last of the construction on our pool. Finally! I'll take pictures. In other news. I took a sledge hammer to my kitchen. Oh, yes, I did. I decided that since we spent the budget earmarked for the kitchen remodeling on living expenses for the past 5 month that there must be a MUCH less expensive way to make things happen and to have a kitchen that functions better than the one we have now. I'll let you know the outcome. Right now I am painting some cabinetry and working out the details in my head. Did I tell you we have a new dining table? Just to give you an idea of what my kitchen is like - the table is 12 feet long. Yes! 12! I could add another 6 or so feet to it and still have plenty of room in here. Here being my laptop is setup in the kitchen so I can surf do-it-yourself projects inbetween coats of primer and paint.

I didn't tell you that Steve worked for the little company he helped build from this past November until March without pay. Yes, WITHOUT pay. He did everything he could to save the little company but it wasn't his to save. With the bank account VERY low he finally entertained an offer and accepted a PAYING job with another company. I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief. It was an even bigger sigh when a month later a paycheck finally came through. During that time he had offers that would move us to New York. "No, thank you, we are very happy in Virginia. Plus my daughter lives here and I have obligations and visitation weekly. I won't do anything to disrupt that," he would tell them. He had several very interesting calls from Microsoft which would require relocation to Redmond, Washington. "No, thank you, we are very happy in Virginia. Plus my daughter lives here and I have obligations and visitation weekly. I won't do anything to disrupt that," he would tell them. California - "No, thank you, we are very happy in Virginia. Plus my daughter lives here and I have obligations and visitation weekly. I won't do anything to disrupt that," he would tell them. And on it went. Even one that made me weep so deeply inside it was hard to hide it from the eyes around me. Savannah, Georgia - "No, thank you, we are very happy in Virginia. Plus my daughter lives here and I have obligations and visitation weekly. I won't do anything to disrupt that," he told them. *Sob* *Weep* *Crying Like A Baby* Savannah, Georgia would have been an hour or so away from "back home". Where my momma and all of my family lives. "Maybe one day when all the kids are gone and we are ready to downsize we can find a place and move you back to Georgia," he has been known to tell me. Sometimes I wonder if he does it to humor me and make me feel not so lost for the place I know and love. Yesterday when he came home from work having picked up J. for the weekly Wednesday night visitation he looked like hell. He was a man destroyed and chanced by a demon. I took him aside and tried to find out what had happened so suddenly that had aged him 10 years and left him shaking and near tears. When he opened his mouth and the words came out it was like a needle scraped across a record. I came to a screeching halt. His ex is planning to move. Wait for it ..... to M******* F***n' Savannah, Georgia. Taking J. with her. It seems her husband has an offer or either his job is moving I didn't get a clear clarification of which. Not that I really give a rats ass anyway. Steve has sacrificed and done everything possible to stay in his child's life. I can't tell you all the small things he has done and said no to because it would interfere in his ability to see his daughter every Wednesday night (taking her to school on Thursday morning) and every other weekend. Steve is a dedicated father and family man. He makes sacrifices that our girls have no idea he makes just to maintain a steady, supportive, reasonably predictable home life. Not to mention the extra 10 - 12 hours of commuting he does to pickup and return J. according to his divorce and custody agreement. I cannot comfort him. I cannot soothe him. We discussed this for hours last night. J. will never choose to live with him full time. She is where she wants to be -with her mother. While it is comforting to think such a thing might happen I cannot foresee it happening with us. She really doesn't consider this home. Where she lives 90% of the time is home to her. Which is very natural. I have no problem with that. We have a made a home here and she shares it with us. He can fight it. But is a long drawn out court battle what he wants J. to see? I honestly believe that would be futile. I believe a judge would award full custody to his ex and let her move out of the state because her husband has provided a very stable and structured lifestyle for J. these past (almost) two years. For which Steve is ever grateful and thankful for. That is one reason he doesn't have to worry about her welfare as much as he once did. I listened to what he had to say. I offered my opinion ONLY when he asked for it. It came out sounding like I wasn't on his side. I simply said I thought he would lose a court battle. There is nothing in these past 2 years that would significantly cause a judge to alter the standing custody agreement to his favor. Did he want J. to see the ugliness from both sides? Did he want her heaped with guilt and blame by her mother? Wouldn't it be better to send her off, knowing how much she is loved, knowing she is happy and looking forward to the move? Did he want to send her off crying, sad, and hating the new life she would have? Isn't it MORE important that J. remain stable and happy and excited and looking forward to changes? This morning he agrees he should give his consent, as he holds joint custody, for taking her out of the state. There is nothing left to do but work out the details of summer visitation, winter and spring breaks. Why do I feel like with my thoughts and words last night that I have somehow betrayed my husband?

This comment was left Thursday in regards to this post.

I don't see anything wrong with a 5 year old child still wanting to be breastfed! I also don't see why you all are making such a BIG FUSS about a 5 year old ( or older) still in diapers! I really believe that you all should get your act together and not worry about older children wearing diapers or still breastfeeding!!. Whenever the child is ready to stop breastfeeding I'm sure that He / She will let their mother know! ( Same applies to wearing diapers!) Steve McPhail

Steve, Steve, Steve. Poor, poor, Steve. Who mcFailed you as a child? You have left me to believe in these few short sentences that your mother should have eaten you at birth while your bones were still soft saving us all a lot of trouble these many years later. Raising a child comes with it obligations and responsibility that in no way should be taken lightly. Sadly there are people who do take it lightly. There are those people who have no notion of what being a parent requires. They bring forth the fruit if their loins and leave it for the rest of society to deal with. Being a parent should require that one have a bit of common sense to go along with it but sadly it doesn't and therefore we have people that spout off and have no idea what garbage and assery just spewed forth from their finger tips due to a misfiring of neurons. Notwithstanding the notion you may have the ability to breastfeed your child as you could be a member of the African Aka tribe of pygmies somehow I am doubting that right now. When you grow a set of mammary glands that produces lactational goodness to sustain a growing baby then you can have a say so in this arena. I can write a bunch of sentences here about teeth and eating and weaning. I can address lengthy paragraphs to the liberal lactators and their nazi-nurser counterparts but I know it will do no good whatsoever and will only serve to fill my comments and email inbox with crap I won’t read or respond to. I will simply suggest this to you, Steve - Walk into any elementary school and take a good close look at the Kindergarten and first grade children. Do any of them look like they would benefit in any way whatsoever to be still breastfeeding? Take a closer look at those children and tell me you want to be the one who has to wipe the hind ends of those whose mother's and father's were too lazy to take the time to teach that child how to use a toilet and to clean himself. Oh, wait! You can't! Children who cannot use the toilet and clean themselves can't go to school because they haven't been given the training needed to enter a more independent society setting. This leads right back to a little bit of common sense. Too much of a good thing makes it a not so good thing in the end. Please do not fill my comments with the diatribe of litany pertaining to the emotional comfort of breastfeeding your older child. It is all bullshit and a problem YOU have with not letting your child be more independent of you at an earlier age. Wean your babies. Potty train your toddlers. Let them have some dignity and independence. Amen.

I have been in a whirlwind of activity all weekend. I seriously need things to slow down and let me catch my breath. I am physically exhausted and hate that my sweet Steve is just as tired if not moreso but had to leave for work at his usual 4:20am this morning. I also feel a little guilty that I got to sleep until 6:45 but not too guilty because I am the one who wakes up 3 times a night to feed the baby. It all started Friday morning. Steven had his 2 month well baby check. His weight is up to 15lbs 13oz. His is in the 95th percentile in all areas. Then he got four (4) vaccine injections in his little legs. Why do they give so many at one time?!? The vaccine event horizon set the tone for the weekend to begin with. Cranky, fussy, fevered baby who naps for less than 30 minutes at a time for the next 3 days but amazingly keeps his sleep routine at night. Thank you, thank you, thank you because I won't complain about 3 hour bursts of sleep. I need more of them in a row or less of them by way of sleeping for longer periods. At 2 1/2 months he gives no indication of even considering sleeping through the night. On saturday I went with Steve to the place he worked for prior to the month of March. It is a business he helped to build from the ground up. Due to circumstances I cannot discuss the company reached for a new vision, downsized and this weekend closed their corporate office. Steve went to take apart the network structure he originally put together. I packed up boxes and visited with some of the people I acutally liked. We did the same thing Sunday afternoon. At this moment sitting in my livingroom are three servers. Tuesday number 4 will come home. As soon as I figure out what the heck we are going to do with 4 boxes of office supplies, 6 boxes of misc. geek stuff, software, six twenty two inch monitors, and the contents of 2 gallies then we will begin the process of setting up my own server to host this website ourselves and everytime you come to visit me you will literally be directed to the server sitting in our house and not some commercial site with a room of servers sitting either in the US or possibly China. My house. So then when I say welcome to my home I will mean it literally. My apologies to MommaK and Lucinda. I haven't had time to read many blogs nor to choose a perfect post. Please go visit them both and the links to this month's Perfect Post Awards. Many thanks to Irene for the nice mention over at Blogging Baby on my previous post. I have a lot more thoughts on the subject. I have to get them sorted out in my head first. I plan to write more on the subject of 'advanced maternal age' and having babies at 40. I need a nap already this morning but I won't take one because Steve can't. I'll be dragging my @$$ all day. Somebody send me some good vibes.