Mothering Day

When Colby was little there were times when I had no choice but to work. It meant the difference in eating or not. It wasn't until the summer before she started grade school that I was forced to find 'daycare'. My husband at the time was faced with accepting a pay cut or lose his job completely. The difference in pay put us inbetween a rock and a hard place. There was no way I could not work for the summer. It literally meant spending all of the tiny savings we had and still the possibility of not having electricity or going without groceries. For the two and a half months prior to entering grade school I dropped her off at a home daycare. She hated it. She hated the woman providing the care, too. So there I was. My child crying every morning. Me off at work unable to meet her needs. A dwindling checking account. A very depressing time in my life. I did not complain, piss or moan about the situation. I put my butt in gear worked harder, saved more and got us through that tough time. I could have used a few good stiff drinks back then but that meant spending money and spending it on booze would have gotten us nowhere fast. I vowed then that it wasn't worth it at all to live that way. I searched out other ways and never had to depend on a childcare service. I am very traditional. I believe the role of the mother is to raise the children when the father is working to provide. I also believe that role can be reversed at any time. Fathers are as equally important. I am very much in the Dr. Laura Schlessinger school of thought. Having children is a major responsibility. When you choose to have a baby you should realize you are choosing to set aside alot of things for yourself and focusing on the best for your child. Those first few years are so very important to their development. How can an outsider teach your child your morals, ethics, rights from wrongs? Why should the daycare provider be allowed to receive the rewards of the first words and first steps and a million other firsts? Those first years of marriage and parenting were such a struggle. We got through them but honestly I look back and don't know how we did it other than sheer willpower and determination. I am grateful in part to the struggle. There were alot of life lessons learned in those few short years. When Gracie came along I was able to stay at home with her. Those days were the most incredible. Double the pleasure actually. That is also the year I began homeschooling Colby. I was able to devote much more of myself to both of my girls than ever before. When money was tight I took a job substitute teaching and later took a job with the school system that allowed me to bring Gracie with me. As I sit back now I do know at times I toot my horn. I have struggled and sacrificed alot to be a hands on mom. I have managed to raise two exceptional children and it is just as much because of who they are as it is my influence on them. With so many years of growth and experience behind me I see motherhood in an entirely different light with the birth of my son. I know not to take one minute for granted. I dare not forget the total responsibility required of me. Somehow with his birth it seems to be an ever greater sense of responsibility than ever before. I can only reason that with his birth there has come age and maturity and a bit more wisdom. Being a mother is so much more than just being a parent. While it is nice to think that having a father is as good as having a mother I can tell you it is not. A mother is far different than a father the same as mothering is so completely different from parenting. If you have yet so see those difference you need to give yourself more time in the role of both. There are huge differences. It is similar to being a first time mom and the light going on and seeing how silly it is to think pets can be like children. Oh, I love to see that light go on and it isn't anything that can be explained except by the experience. My parents divorced when I was a small child. A few years later my father died. I have no idea what it is like to be the daughter of a father. It is an experience I crave. Seeing women like my grandmother and my mother-in-law crave the experience of being a daughter of a mother is heartbreaking. Both of these strong wonderful women and mothers lost their own mother in early childhood. The loss is one that is painful beyond anything I can being to explain nor fully comprehend. With Mother's Day coming up it is really hitting me in the softest spots of my heart of all the mother's and mothering that is being missed out on. I think of the children I know (and don't know) who have lost their mother and wonder what they think and feel in the midst of days like this Sunday? I ache for the women who have lost their children and wonder if the day is a day of celebration or one they blot out. While we are celebrating how many of us stop and give a moment of comfort to those who might be longing/hurting/suffering on Mother's Day?