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August 16, 2006
License to Drive
When I was a teenager at the ripe old age of 15 I went down to the local Armory where the Georgia State Patrol had a tiny office and took the written portion of the driver's test and got my learner's permit.
During the school year I took a driver's ed class because I needed a class to fill a slot and I was really looking for a class I didn't have to do anything in that was remotely like real school work. Back in those days the gym coach(es) did the driver's ed and I can still spot one of those guys from a hundred paces.
The following summer when I turned 16 I went down and took the driver's test and got my license. So all told I have been driving for the past 25 years. (That is -25 years after my birthday on Sunday.)
When I drove a school bus the licensing was very similar to that of my 16 year old self. I had to drive a route, parallel park, back through cones, safely park on an incline, etc, etc.
Long gone are those days. Imagine my surprise when we moved to Virginia to find that in order to get a driver's license you had to go to an accredited driver's school course AND be approved by the circuit court. It was such a pain in the ass of jumping through hoops for a person who was homeschooled we just sort of let it ride.
Colby waited until she was 18 to get her learner's permit. It was far less of a hassel plus she was intimidated by the traffic up here. Driving in northern Virginia scared the beejesus out of her.
This summer she called around and got herself into a driver's school. What a freakin headache that turned out to be. Several school's did not ever bother to call back. We called so many places it is unbelievable. Finally one guy called back.
The guy was (and is) an arrogant, condescending asshole of gigantic proportions. He was (is) a loud mouth know it all. The minute I looked at him I told Colby I would bet just about anything he was or once was a high school gym coach who had to do driver's ed for the school as part of his contract.
After three lessons, and I mean lessons from hell, lessons where he would not return a phone call for a week and a half even though he had our money. Lessons where he was supposed to pick her up and drop her off but always found a reason or a way to get someone to meet him at some place nearby. Lessons where he was rude and down right nasty. Lessons where other parents were VERY upset with his verbal bashing of their kids but what can you do when the only way to get your kid a driver's license in this state is to complete the driving school and have the certificate approved and filed in the county circuit court. Lessons that really where NOT lessons because he did not teach the kids how to drive he monitored their skills and they only got drive about 30 minutes for maybe 7 'lessons'.
So anyway. Yesterday was Colby's lesson #3. He called me about 20 minutes into her driving and said "Colby is doing well. There is no need to continue on. Take her to the DMV and let her take the test. I think she will pass."
He did not sign off of her license. He seemed to want to wash his hands of having to come out this far for another 4 lessons. I did not think she drove nearly well enough to get her license. But I took her to the DMV anyway. On the way there she told me he made a comment about before he opened his own driving school he was a high school gym coach who had to teach driver's ed as part of his contract. Ha! I knew it!
She passed. (She didn't even have to parallel park!)
I have NEVER in my life been more worried about my child than I am at this very moment. People get killed in car accidents every single day. I will have no control over what happens when she is driving alone. I do not want her to drive alone. I am scared shitless someone will hurt my child because people up here drive like insane maniacs. People cause accidents because they are overly aggressive. I am scared to death for my child to be on the highway driving alone in this mess called traffic. Anyone who lives up this way can vouch for the insanity that is Metro D.C./Northern Virginia traffic. I have never seen anything like this traffic in any other place I have ever visited -not even check-in day at OBX.
I am going to need a prescription for valium to get me through this period in life where I have to let her go out on her own in car.
Maybe 2 prescriptions.
It is 2:17am. I am awake worrying about this right now.
My head hurts. So does my chest.
Posted by Angie at August 16, 2006 01:56 AM
Comments
Angie, I know that feeling, but you have done all you can do to get her ready, and you will have to trust her judgment and then pray that she will be okay. Urge her to be watchful of others in traffic and drive defensively.
I also know all about DC/VA traffic - and it is every bit as scary as you say. I hope that you will be able to "let it be", because if your head and chest continue to hurt - you will be too stressed out to care for the other children. When my children started driving, I was scared too, but I simply had to let the fear go, pray that they would be safe and then trust that they would. Only one of them was ever in a wreck, and it was his stupid fault (he wan't hurt).
Posted by: kenju at August 16, 2006 08:10 AM
The driving school nearby had its instructor arrested for molesting girls. My daughter had an instructor who stuttered, and it was not funny. To hear him tell her to tttttturn right or leffffttt took way too long to get the message across. I was in a full blown panic worrying if he needed to yell stop could he get the word out in time. Please, if you stutter this is not meant as insult to you.
My advice is to tell her to always leave earlier so she is not in a rush and doesn't feel intimidated. It will give her the added bonus of arriving early at her destination and able to relax.
Posted by: Hope at August 16, 2006 12:32 PM
Oh Angie! I don't even want to think about my kids driving, but that day isn't too terribly far off. I'm scared to death just thinking about it. I'm sending you a virtual hug.
Posted by: Badger at August 16, 2006 02:00 PM
You can tell people the rules, and you can monitor their driving, and correct their actions, but it's a skill that people just have to learn. Experience takes time. I pray that she stays safe.
Posted by: InterstellarLass at August 16, 2006 03:46 PM
This was extremely hard for me, too. Watching my son drive away for the first time, in my car, made me feel physically ill. It does get better with time, it really does.
Another thing that helped was that in Michigan, you have to drive 50 hours with your parents before you can get your Level 1 driver's license. Ten of these hours had to be at night. I knew he was better prepared than I was at his age. I only had to drive six hours with an instructor, turn 16, pass the test and that was it.
Maybe you could drive with her for a time in different situations and try to teach her some things yourself.
Good luck. You will survive this, I promise.
Posted by: B at August 16, 2006 04:53 PM
Angie, I went through this last year, and I still go through it every time my daughter leaves the house. It doesn't bother me so much anymore when she leaves to go to work or to school, but it bothers me tremendously on the weekends and on Friday night when she is going out with her friends.
Colby sounds like a good kid and I'll bet she'll do just fine and prove you proud. :)
But in the meantime, I'll share that valium with you, just so you know you're not alone.
Posted by: Laura at August 16, 2006 09:03 PM
Ugh...I know your pain. My step son had an accident this summer that scared the hell out of us. I am waiting for him to come home right now actually. I guess I know how my mother used to feel now, right?
Posted by: MommaK at August 16, 2006 10:24 PM
I feel your pain. I've gotten used to it. It's one of those thing where you just have to trust the universe, I think.
Posted by: Miz S at August 16, 2006 10:42 PM
I dread my girls driving. More than that I dread them being driven around by friends.
Scare the hell out of her. That will make her more careful.
Posted by: Raehan at August 17, 2006 12:50 AM
Now that she has her license, you have a bit more time to shop around for a better teacher. The DMV's website has a list of qualified ones. Cross reference them with the Better Business Bureau. And please complain about this guy to both the DMV and the BBB.
I didn't learn to drive until I was 27. And I still take refresher courses when I find myself driving like my father.
Posted by: liz at August 18, 2006 04:41 PM