Just because I can't eat certain things doesn't mean I can't cook them
I have been busy in my kitchen making sure Steve and the girls have good meals as they always have. I won't be one of those people who makes everyone else do without just because I can't eat everything they can. I have made desserts and not eaten one bite. I have made mashed potatoes and not eated any of them. I served garlic bread with their spaghetti dinner and did not even care to have a piece. I don't know if it is willpower, determination to succeed or the fact that I am suffering loss of appetite for those types of things.
I have been experimenting with ways to make my recipes low carb and maintain the full flavor.
I have posted on my recipe journal 3 new recipes that I have cooked since last weekend. Chicken Alfredo, Macaroni and Cheese and Boneless Buffalo Bites, all made as low carb as I can get it.
If you can get the carb count lower than I have please show me how!
I have sampled a no calorie/no carb ketchup and the review is up on the Low Carb Market journal if you are a ketchup lover like the people in my house.
I find when I am solitary in the kitchen and the house is quiet except for the sounds I make and hissing of the pots and pans and the crackle of the woodstove that my thoughts flow freely and I write journal entries in my head. When it is time to settle down with the laptop the thoughts do not come as easy.
I want to tell you about being a child and wanting to be fat and unnoticable.
I want to tell you about being a teenager and feeling aweful about being fat and wanting to change but knowing my layer of fat was my blanket of protection between me and the rest of the world.
I want to tell you about the abuse at the hands of adults and how eating gave me joy and pleasure in those miserable days.
I want to tell you about my non-existant relationship with my father and my wanting to be held and loved.
I want to tell you about my mother and the anger I have been bottling up the past few weeks but I don't want you to judge her and think she is bad because - well, she is my mother and I love her despite her faults and what I see as her short comings in my childhood.
I want to tell you about my ex-husband and how I grew to not love him or anything about him and the ugly shame and lies that surround his filthy self.
I want to tell you about coming to terms with me and my body and loving me for who I am for so many years. About how happy I have been to be me at any size.
I want to explain my desire now to come to terms with all of this and put it away for one last time, shedding it all as I shed these pounds that seem to haunt me day and night.
The thoughts come muddy this morning. I am struggling with it. Eventually I will get there.
Sometimes these cryptic notes say more that a book... Just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you!
Fat is the great insulator. I know. Hugs.
I want to hear all those things! Just keep writing; it will eventually come out clear.
((hugs))
Angie, I want to know all that. You write so plaintively. I'll share my demons if you can share yours. I think the very fact that you can allude to them shows that you are on the road to recovery.
Your willpower is impressive. Inspiring, even.
I do the same thing, too--compose entries in my head and then struggle with them when I sit down to type. I think you'll write about those ideas when you're ready, though. Maybe they need to "marinate" in your brain first.
I don't know how anyone can do the "low carb" thing. I know I couldn't do it. The only way for me to safely and effectivly lose weight is to simply eat healthy.. I lost a lot of weight on weight watchers.
Don't get me wrong. I think what you're doing is great... and your will power and determination is inspiring.
I'm proud of you
In the years I have read your writing, I have pictured you in my mind. You are tall, raven haired, and beautiful.
Not once have I ever seen you as "fat".
I just thought you should know that.
Also - check out "Saving Dinner - the Low Carb Way" by Leanne Ely. There may be some recipes to enjoy...
This was a good start at telling us what is in your heart.
Thank you and tell us mroe when you are ready.
Congrats on your progress. I'm making some progress, too, on my weight loss. I am not brave enough to blog about it, though. Maybe soon.
Yikes, I think I lost my commment. Phooeey. I'll be back.
I read this post a few hours ago and it has been hanging in my brain ever since. All I know is this, Ang-
If anyone can accomplish a difficult task, it is you. You are my inspiration in countless way and now I get to add one more.
xo
Your willpower is inspiring me to do better also.
My mom is very emotionally distant. She has never hugged or kissed us ( her kids). She is very different w/ the grandchildren. Our generation changed history by huuging, kissing and telling them how much we love them daily. For me, this has been healing. We did not repeat history and neither did you . That may be your greatest legact to the pain and anger you suffered.
My brothers and sisters and I have only recently discussed this and we all deal with it in our own way. One thing we know for sure. We did not repeat her mistakes. I am sending a hug.
Take your time w/ your memories and know that you have done a wonderful job in your own family.
the bee
above word should be legacy and hug has only 1 u .
But you get the idea .
Because I have celiac disease, I can't eat bread. Just this week, I made a major discovery at the supermarket: bagged "Lettuce Wraps". They make a pretty great sandwich. Try 'em.