February 2007 Archives

The idea for this post comes from Badger who posted the places where she rarely if never comments. It is a fabulous idea so I am stealing it and doing it myself. Three of the places I lurk are also on Badgers list as well. Who knew? Ruth Campbell Smith Diaries - I found this blog through a link left on my blog. Miz S outted me as a lurker to Carol. Carol posts daily a transcript from her grandmother's diaries. It is a bit of voyuerism probably but I love the glimpse into another time and another life. 15 Minute Lunch - This guy is funny. I love his take on even the most mundane of things. I have no idea how I found his blog. It was one of those click a link click a link click a link things until you don't have any idea the spiderweb of roads that led you to where you are. So, I was lost, then I found Johnny. Johnny Virgil. Lyvvies Limelight - I get a vicarious pleasure reading her vent about her in-laws. It may sound mean but I don't mean for it to be at all. When I read her venting it takes off some of the steam of my own. Notice I NEVER speak of that subject here. I first found her and her blog through Susie at the Underpaid Kept Woman. Prepare to Meet Your Bakerina - I consider the Bakerina to be my food geek read. I love her recipes. I love her way of writing. I don't think I am intellectual enough to create words into sentences the way she does. She is successful at something I just can't get the hang of. She bakes the most beautiful loves of bread! I can almost smell them through her photos. I also love that her pots and pans are well used and in no way look like they are brand new. They looked battered, worn and well loved. True Wife Confessions - I have been reading this blog since around entry #60 something. I found it through a google search but I can't remember what it was I had googled that landed me there. I find reading these confessions often sad. Very sad. I wonder why people can't say more out loud to each other. I find it frightening the women who have one night stands over and over and the possibility they could get aides seems not to bother them at all as they stand defiantly saying they will do it again. I feel sorry for their husbands but I feel even more sorry for the women who write alot of these confessions. I am always surprised by the things confessed. I guess there is something about dirty little secrets that draws me back time and again. Confessions of a Pioneer Woman - This has to be one of my most favoorite lurking places. Ree is just the funniest most honest woman I have ran into in a long long time. I love reading about their family ranch. I love looking at her photos. I love her impersonation of Ethel Merman. The fact that she puts a 2 year old on a horse and sends her kids off behind the rest of the cowboys makes me hold my breath. She is impressive and makes me look like I sit around and eat bon bons all day long. Ha! I think I love her. You know, in the way that she is like a heroine in the romance novels that I write in my head. (I wrote a giant one the other day when I was doing all of that laundry.)Go visit and tell her I sent you. I lurk at other places, too, but this is enough for today. Tell me where you lurk.

Being ill last week and answering your email and comments has left me with the cream of the crop of commentary. Thank you all! Today is the first day that I feel like I am back and got my stuff together. Today is also the day I climb back on the wagon with my dieting. You must know through all of this I have only been able to eat and keep down white foods, milk, bread, yogurt, potatoes, rice. It has been nice while it lasted but I know I have gained back a pound or two. :-( Today I have to start taking it off again. Back to salads and lean meats. You have no idea how unappealing salad has been the last week. So anyway - One of the subjects of the comments and emails has been a comment Steve made just this past week. When discussing how no one is ever as sick or as tired as he is when he is sick I made a comment about my body physically supporting the process of making our baby and the trials I suffered while carrying him for nine months. The whole flesh of my flesh conversation. Now if you are a female and have experienced pregnancy and childbirth you have a perfect understanding of -

morning sickness, phantom aches and pains, headaches, killer heartburn, pressure on your bladder, kicks and punches to your ribs and organs, unbelivable pressure on the floor of your pelvis, the urgency to urinate frequently, a sneeze or cough that causes the bladder to leak, heemoroids, constipation, swollen feet, face and hands, weight gain/loss, hair falling out, dark spots on your skin (the mask of childbirth), not to mention the poking and proding by doctors, nurses, lab techs, the whole lack of descency and the degrading need to have half a dozen people looking and proding your nether regions, the actual force of labor, the pain, oh, the pain, the needles, the broken blood vessels, the passing of a seven to eight body through an opening at best 10 cm, the swollen tenderness of your body afterward, the abdmminal cramps, the 4 to 6 weeks of birthing aftermath, sore, blistered nipples from the first week of breastfeeding, -

Do I need to go on with the basics? I think you all know what I am talking about and can add a dozen or more complaints to the list of the physical suffering to bring a bundle of blessed joy into this world. We women know child birth. We have looked it in the face and for the most part come out the victors. Our beautiful, wonderful babies are our trophies. All this leading to this - He said to me - "I was there and went through all of it with you. I suffered the same as you did every day." "Oh, you did? You were so sick every day you couldn't hold your head up? You went through the aches and pains and the hives and the constant pressure on your bladder -?" "I was right there, I did it all." WTF???!!?? "You did it all? You physically carried this baby and supported his life with your own? You have also spent the last year of his life supporting his body with your own by breastfeeding him every two hours for months and months?" "I have done it all, except the breastfeeding." A side note here that while Steven was sick and the only time he kept anything on his stomach was when he breastfed, Steve questioned my ability to care for the baby, to sustain his diet, he attacked my ability on so many levels by insinuating that breastfeeding was not enough to sustain the baby. WTF have I been doing his entire life? Secretly feeding him protein shakes in a bottle and not actually breastfeeding him? My boobs have supported that baby from the day he was born! "And you laughed at me while I suffered!" "No, I did not, " a shit eating grin on his face, head down trying to hide it. "You laughed at me when Steven kicked me so hard my bladder leaked and I wet my clothes. You laughed at me on many occassions!" "I never laughed at you," while he tried his best to hide and stiffle his laughter, making a quick exit to bring in firewood and end the conversation. All the while he was grinning and chuckling. Why is it a man thinks he knows every thing about birthing babies and he has NEVER had one labor pain yet he refuses to give a woman her due when it comes to earning her stripes of motherhood. Standing in a labor room watching your child come forth is NOT the same experience as the sheer physical will to get him there. Watching a baby being born is not standing at the cusp of life and death. Watching a baby being born is no way compensates for the physical act of labor. Steve's constant insistance that he knows all and has experienced all when it comes to the nine months and the birthing of a baby makes me take back a tiny bit of respect I have for him. He knows nothing, you can't even begin to explain it to him, yet he insists he knows it all and has experienced it all. He also doesn't realize (or refuses, not sure which) that he makes himself look like the biggest ass mankind has ever created when he makes those comments. He also makes me very angry at him deep down on some primal level. The one thing we women have that men don't have is the ability to bring life into this world. Men are physically incapable of bearing a child the way we women have been blessed to do so. Why must men always try to take the very last shred of what makes us a woman away from us? I am not male bashing here. Nor am I trying to make Steve look like an ass. He already did that by his comments. I am just blowing off steam. It bites my ass that he and many other men think they know so much when they don't know sh!t about certain things other than the mechanics of it all. Please tell me if your husband/significangt other has said equally as assinine remarks concerning childbirth.

1 load bleached whites 2 loads light colors 2 loads dark colors 1 load Steve's dress clothes(for work) 1 load Colby's scrub unifoms (for work) 1 load colored towels 1 load light pink towels 3 loads bedding 1 load kitchen towels and cloths 1 load Steven's clothes he has messed up through the day (not quite over the virus, wearing 1 reg diaper and 1 x-large diaper over that for overflow, working but not always) That is the laundry I have done. Washed. Dried. Folded. Hung. Ironed. Put away. Beds remade. I cannot image being a washer woman in the early 1900's. Thank heaven for Bosch appliances, a steam iron, clothes hangers and an assortment of laundry products*. Finally, the laundry is finished. The sad part is by the end of the week there will be more laundry to do. Thanks for all your good natured words. I think because I have been ill that my temperment is rather short this week and my irritability level is already pegged pretty high and the least little thing pushes me over the edge. *I am normally not a scented laundry person. In the summertime I much prefer the clean smell of sun dried laundry fresh off the line. My children prefer a scented laundry expecially in their sheets, towels and pj's. I have been using two flavors of the Tide Simple Pleasures. I like them depending on what I am washing. The Rose and Violet is the preference of the girls. I prefer the Vanilla and Lavendar. If you like girly scents try them. I do not find that they clean any better than any other laundry products. They simply scent the laundry. I use the detergent, fabric softener and dryer sheets.

Last week when I was hit with a viral illness of the worst kind. It was the first time in over 10 years I had had a stomach virus. I was so sick, in fact, I can only remember feeling as ill once in my pre-teen years and I stayed home from school for almost a week. (That was back when General Hospital was THE show to see.) Monday and Tuesday I tried to sleep through the worst of it only to be awakened every few hours by, "Momma, Momma ..." someone calling my name for something. I was barely able to crawl out to the bathroom much less answer calls for "Momma". Wednesday, long before I was ready, I was expected to resume my duties of cheif cook, housekeeper, laundress, social secretary, financier, butler and maid. Then the baby got sick. My house was a total wreck from the two days I was completely out of commission and three more days of sitting and holding and napping and rocking a sick baby furthered the wreckage. Thursday Grace came home from school sick. Laundry begin to pile up in mass amounts. Friday Steve stumbled back from work at 10am clinging to his last shred of life. Saturday brought Colby to her knees. Except for the baby these people all expected to sleep uninterupted. Theymexpected tylenol, cool or warm drinks and to be left alone in their misery. All of which they did not afford me the prvilige of doing. I resent this behavior. I laid it out last night how angry I was that after a decade of not being sick the one time I was too sick to care for myself no one left me to heal and suffer quietly. I resent their own illness and the fact someone had to care for each of them in turn and it had to be me. No one waited on me and brought me drinks and tylenol. No. One. I am angry with them all because no one has ever been as sick as each of them were and there was little compassion for my own illness. It may take me a very long time to get over being angry. I had a few posts I had written in the past that I was able to post last week. This week I have nothing in my arsenal. It will take me awhile to catch up on laundry, clean my kitchen and mop my floors. Not to mention all of the laundry from last week and the mountain of bedding that has to be washed and dried. If I manage to answer my backlog of email, to post or to work on the templates I have promised it is because I have gone on strike and taken leave of my senses for a day or two.

A package came in the mail with goodies from Susie. The box also included something for a baby boy. He loves books. I hope he takes to reading with a deep love and earnestness that he seems to express while turning the pages and mumbling to himself. Mumble. Mumble. Turn the page. Mumble some more. Squeal. Look at the pretty pictures. I can read! He spent a full 30 minutes pouring over the pages in these two books. Thanks, Aunt Susie!

I took the advice Badger was giving out about skin care for us 40 and over hip, happy and needing a little something women populating the earth more and more each day. I headed over and bought a list of things from drugstore.com because the items I was willing to buy were on sale for better prices than I could find near me, plus the shipping was free and they owed me some discount bucks. Besides when I see a tiny jar of face cream that costs as much as it does to fill my Excursion with a full tank of gas the veins in my temples pop out and begin to throb. There are some things I am so cheap about it is almost ridiculous. Surely I don't need to put a months worth of grocery money on my face to have descent looking skin? Right? Right! I purchased a Buf Puf for my face and one for my body. Exfoliate exfoilate exfoilate seems to be a montra we should be chanting for the rest of our lives. I have used a buf puf off and on for so many years I can't count how many. I know I used them in my preteen years. Here I am 40 and still using them. (Note: Those things can rub you raw if you put much elbow grease behind them. Be careful. Just a warning.)(Second Note: They were the 80's version of do it yourself at home dermabrasion. Go ahead and put some elbow grease behind it and see if I am right or not.) (Third Note: I am right.) When I shower I use Liquid Neutrogena Facial Cleansing Formula, Fragrance Free. I first was introduced to this product when I came up to Virginia the first time I visted Steve long before we got married. He had a brand new bottle in his shower yet had never used it. It was just there. I used it. When I came back I used it. By the time I had moved to Virginia we were into a 2nd bottle. This product really makes my skin feel clean. My face is partially oily especially in the afternoons. Some mornings it is like an oil spill from the Exxon Valdez. The Neutrogena has helped control this. When I got pregnant with Steven washing my face with it made my skin feel tight but it also sort of made my skin sting. I stopped buying it. To tell you the truth I had forgotten about it until Badger made mention of it in her post on skin care concerns. I am glad I found it again. I like this product. I like it in the glycern bar form as well. I prefer the pump liquid. Every time I shower I wash my face with this product. When I get up in the mornings I have begun a new ritual. After brushing my teeth I no longer stumble to the coffee pot. When I get up I stumble to turn on the coffee pot then to the bathroom where first I brush my teeth. Then I wash my face with Olay Foaming Face Wash, Sensitive Skin. (I use the Buf Puf once a week.) After washing I use Olay Complete All Day UV Defense Moisture Lotion, Sensitive Skin. The non-oily, non-greasy formula of Olay sooths and feeds my skin. After using the Buf Puf and then moisturizing with this product it feels to me almost like giving my skin a cool drink of clean clear water. It is a delicious feeling. Every night before bed I have developed another ritual. Instead of brushing my teeth and brushing out my hair now I brush my teeth and then I wash my face with Olay Age Defying Daily Renewal Cleanser, Beta Hydroxy Complex with Gentle Microbeads. It is not the same as using the Buf Puf. It gently scrapes away the muck from the day. Then I moisturize with Olay Night of Olay Firming Cream. This is a little thicker than the daytime mosturizer but you can really feel your skin drinking in the moisture and sighing as its thrist is quench. O'kay not really but it feels good. Then I brush out my hair. (Hair note here: My hair comes out by the hand full. I am in no way going bald. I have massive amounts of hair on my head. I have very long burnette hair. It is a wonder I am not bald with the amount of hair I brush out daily. Are you ever suprised by the amount of hair you lose every day?) After the past 3 days of following the added morning and night rituals of face cleansing beyond the normal face cleansing I did with Dove beauty bar and regular Oil of Olay I can really see a big difference in my skin. Colby even asked what I was doing to make my skin so very soft. I figure since I am learning new eating habits I really should develop other habits to take more and better care of my skin. Living out here in the rural acres of Virginia I have no need 6 out of 7 days a week to put on makeup, (ha! I don't have to change out of my pj's if I don't want to) but when I finish losing this weight I know I am going to want to show it off and who wants to show off a new body with old, flakey, oily, looks more than 40 years old skin? Not I. So, take note. If you are not already embroiled in a regimine of facial care get busy right now and start loving your skin. The changes in just a few days will amaze you. Oh, and drink your water every day. It makes your skin happy, too. And call your mother. She loves you, too.

From the time I was in sixth or seventh grade my best friend at the time (Kim) and I read Harlequin romance novels. You have to understand that these first novels where nothing but pure romance and there was not one hint of sex in them and maybe only one kiss. There was always a distressed heroine left at the mercy of the hero who was a sheik, a king, amprince or wealthy rancher. About the time I was midway through seventh grade I started writing my own 'romance novels'. They were spiral bound notebooks filled with pencil and ink scribbles as my young mind played out torrid romances between cowboys and city girls. Farm girls and city boys. One was even about a cowboy who only drank Coca Cola. (I am NOT a pepsi person and never have been.) Over the years I continued to write. Notebooks stacked up with all sorts of stories in them. At one time there was 25 or 30 notebooks and diary type journals filled with poetry, essays and my epic romances. In my early twenties I would pull them out and read them. Some were fairly good and I would amaze myself that I had strung those words together that seemed to me by then as if someone else had written passages in the notebooks. Around the time Colby was in kindergarden I was working fulltime as an activity director in a nursing home and disaster struck. Where we lived was far out in the rural farming community. There was and still is not public facilities for water and sewage services. We had a well and a septic tank. In a freakish and rare event something caused a vacuum in the septic tank. The entire septic tank emptied itself in my house through the bathroom drains and toilet. The floor in our bedroom, bathroom and back hallway all closets were flooded with 6 or more inches of sewage. The house was empty. It happened when we were at work during the day. I found it when I came home. Not one single person offered us help. It was a cleanup that I had to undertake on my own. The cleaning up, ripping out and sanitizing was all done by myself and no one else. I cried the entire time. Boxes of photos, scrapbooks, things from my teenage years stored in boxes under my bed and in my closet, ruined. Nothing could be salvaged. The notebooks filled with my stories, notes, poetry and the first magazine that ever published my work -gone. Every single peice of paper, written or with photo lost forever in a freakish accident that no one would ever expect to happen. Not only did I lose most of the things from Colby's infancy but I lost other things that to this day are still important to that girl in me and that part of my heart. Love letters from my first ever true love - gone. I still morn their loss because it was the first time anyone had ever taken a moment to say anything to me that made me feel special. The records of Colby's birth and her first photos - gone. Even more excruciating to through the scraps of blackened paper that no longer looked like anything useful and the words and images distroyed. I cried and I cleaned. No one seemed to care at all. A few people even laughed. Now I don't write as much as I once did. I don't hoard boxes of papers and books. I write stories and posts in my head. Once I flesh them out and write them there the need to put them in print fades away. What do I do when I am sitting with a sick baby who wants to do nothing but nurse? What do I do when I am washing dishes and folding laundry? I write romance novels in my head.

With the ice storm and being frozen in solid Gracie only went to school one day last week. Valentines Day came and went and there were not valentines from school mates to be looked over. Friday came and the little school dance was not to be as the school was closed. Finally, Monday came. Monday was to be a holiday but instead was reclaimed as a makeup day for the ice and snow. Gracie came home with her Valentine's mailbox where all the children had deposited cards for her. As she did similarly with their own. One card in the box stood out from all the others. It is a homemade card. Constructed of a folded over index card. Not decorated with a commercial cartoon or other childish interest as found on store bought cards for children to exchange. This one was written with red marker. Addressed clearly to Gracie. Decoratively ornate, yet very simple with a sticker on the front as if they were sweetheart candies. I present to you possibly one of the best Valentine's day cards ever gotten by a girl in third grade (and for some maybe in their lifetime - even if he can't spell - yet). Grace your ... beaiteful funny smart He did not sign it. She thinks she knows who gave it to her. No one has confessed. She feels special, beautiful, funny and smart. That is indeed a wonderful gift to recieve at anytime in your life. I think she is speshul, beaiteful, funnee and smart, too.

Come down with a flu like virus that keeps you in bed shivering in fevered diliruim under an electric blanket set on high. I have not had a stomach virus in over 10+ years. Well before Gracie was born. I do not want another. I'll try to see you all tomorrow. Back to bed now.

Steve came home yesterday with not only pink roses but also pink tulips. Jack Frost and Mother Nature did there best to do in our Valentine's Day but you know you can't keep true love down. I married the perfect guy. ***** With school closed for snow and ice Gracie has been doing a great job keeping Steven entertained. ***** This puppy is from a S.C. breeder. Gorgeous!I am looking for a breeder near me for one (or two, or three) of these bluetick hounds. A boy needs a dog to grow up with and this is the dog I choose. I would prefer a larger dog (maybe a gascon) not those little rabbit dogs. Steve wants no part of it. He doesn't want another pet and doesn't understand the dog in this house is NOT my dog, it is leftovers from his first marriage and after the time she shit in every bed we own I hate her. I do. I don't feel guilty about it either. At 8 years old, she wants no part of playing with the baby. She has barred her teeth at him once. He has been warned she is on the fast track to a new home if it happens again. No, it wasn't provoked either. *****Steven has not slept well. We have been up and down most of the night. It is going to be a very long day.

Umm ... You know how supposedly sex is the most wanted 'gift' by men for Valentine's Day? Mother nature came calling at my house the day before. I know I am not alone in this because I read too many blogs yesterday with this mentioned somewhere along the way. Mother Nature has a very un-funny sense of humour at times doesn't she? So I am betting that a great number of men did not get what they most wanted for Valentine's Day in one way or another. Ha! *****Steve did ask me if I wanted to have the flowers tomorrow. He was thinking pink tulips. The thought means so much more than the flowers themselves. No, I don't need the flowers now. Thak you for wanting to give them to me. *****Yesterday, since the arrival of Mother Nature I have been wanting to eat the house down. Did not matter what and still doesn't matter. I want to shove food into my mouth. I lost the battle with my willpower last night. Steve and I shared a bottle of wine with our dinner. It made me tipsy. Not drunk. Just tipsy. It took the edge off of my mood. It made the craving disappear. It made my mood light and fun. I have no idea the carb count. I don't really care at this moment. It was fun while it lasted. I hope to do better today. But yesterday - OMG. I was coming apart at the seams. Everyone was home due to the ice. Everyone had been home the day before with the promise of everyone also being home the following day. The noise and the irritability especially in Gracie, the restlessness, the PMS-ing, it all began to close in me. I could have easily gone insane late yesterday afternoon and went running off down the ice covered roads screaming like a mad woman. Instead we drank the wine. It was good. Today I climb back in saddle and try to hold the reins on the willpower. Wish me luck.

Morning News Q: What do women want most for Valentine's Day? A: Thought and meaning behind a gift. Q: What do men want most for Valentine's Day? A: Sex. And then more sex. I gave my husband the first season of the Star Trek tv series. We both are fans of Star Trek -not Star Wars. He gave me a micro sd card for my new cell phone and the data cable to connect to my laptop. We have the same phone. He can use it, too. This is the first time I will not get flowers for Valentine's Day. That would because of the freaking 3 inches of ice we are sitting under. He won't be going to the office today. Therefore he won't be bringing home a bouquet of pink roses or tulips. F**k you, Jack Frost. On a more romantic note - I also got McLintock and Sense and Sensibility. I bought them for myself. Two very different movies yet both very romantic. I love them both. Even more so because I found McLintock at Target for $5 and Sense and Sensibility at Best Buy for $5. I also love a good deal. I will search a $5 and under movie rack until I have looked at every case hoping for a treasure of a movie hidden within. Yesterday I was a winner on two counts. Yeah, bargain movie racks rock! Steve gave Steven a copy of Guess How Much I Love You. The best father-son book ever written. The girls each got Valentine decorated things: a pair of socks, a pair of panties, a small box of chocolates, a card and a heart/cupis hole punch. Along with a movie. Colby's choice was Marie Antoinette. Gracie chose Tuck Everlasting. My girls have lovely tastes in movies, too. Do you give your children Valentine's or is the day strictly for yourself and your sweetheart?

I have always been an advocate of eating the good food. By good food I mean meats, poultry, fish, pork, butter, dairy, eggs, whole grains, fresh fruits and fresh vegetables. Which makes me a fan of Nina Planck. She is full of the good common sense I have been trying to get across to others for years. Along time ago I read a study about margarine and it scared me. Margarine is something like 1 molecule away from being a plastic substance. How could I ever let my kids put that in their bodies? I am a fan of real foods, good foods, natural foods. So, then, why am I fat? Because I love bread, rice and potatoes and those things are like poison to me. They stay locked in my cells. I think I carry around every bite of rice, bread and potato I have ever eaten packed away in my body in the form of fat. While I have been doing a very low carb diet I have not been doing a pile on the meats and lets eat all the fat we can diet. I have been doing this in a very healthy manor. Let me explain what I am doing to succeed in my goal of weight loss. 1. Not skipping breakfast. Starting up your body's engine with protein int he morning gets the motabilism revved up so you can burn calories at a high rate. Sticking with a protein rich breakfast of eggs and either sausage or bacon, sometimes ham. I drink decaf coffee in the mornings and early afternoon. I try to drink water as well. This keeps me full and I am not tempted to snack when I give the baby crackers between his breakfast and lunch. 2. Eating lean meats/fish/poultry/pork and a green salad for lunch. Sometimes I have deli meat (watch out, deli meats, hotdogs, and other processed meats have added carbs) and a flatout wrap for a sandwich with mayonnaise (0 carbs) or cream cheese (<1 carb), lettuce, and sometimes avocado with lemon juice and salt. The wrap adds 6 carbs. I don't seem to feel as well when I have the bread wrapper but when lunch fixings are light the wrap is a filler more than anything. I drink water or iced decaf tea. 3. In the afternoons I confess to drinking caff free diet coke. I am addicted. I might even have an advant edge chocolate fudge shake. Liquids keep you full and help to get past the urge to snack when the baby is having applesauce or pretzels or goldfish. 4. In the evenings I have lean meats/fish/poultry/pork, the standard salad with one of Ken's steakhouse dressings that are 1 or 0 carbs. (These salad dressings are the best on the standard market shelf. Don't buy the walden farms brands, they are not good and rip off your money.) I also work in other vegetables based on the carb count of the day. - Green beans have 4 net carbs per serving and Italian flat beans have 3 net carbs, I opt for the lesser carbs Italian green bean. - Brocolli - 1/2 cup steamed brocolli pieces is 1.6 carbs. Add butter and a little salt and pepper and it is perfect. - Cauliflower - 1/2 cup is .8 (less than 1 carb!) when steamed. Add butter and a little salt and pepper and it is perfect. - Avocado - a haus avocado has 3.5 carbs for the enitre thing. i usually have half sharing it with Colby. - Baby Spinach - Less than 1 carb for a handful of greens. - Romain Lettuce - 1 cup is .5 carbs. A 2 cup salad is a lot of salad! - Iceburg Lettuce - 1 cup is .1 carbs that is almost nothing! I wouldn't even count that tiny portion of a carb. - Pumpkin - 1/2 cup has 4.7 carbs. You can eat a slice of baked pumpkin the same way as you would a sweet potato. Butter and salt and pepper makes it perfect. (I have pumpkin in the freezer from the fall.) - Yellow squash - 1/2 cup is 1.4 carbs, raw it is 1.3 carbs, you can do alot with fresh yellow squash, raw, stirr fried, baked as a casserole with butter, cream and cheese. Zucchini is even less and is very versitile! I could go on and on and on - asparagus, turnips, collards, etc. really good stuff but not high in carbs and starch and natural sugars. For those concerned that I am ruining my health by restricting carbs I appreciated your concern. I also want you to see that a low carb lifestyle is about making choices based on how your body reacts to certain foods. I can choose the baked pumpkin instead of a baked sweet potato. I can have the cauliflower instead of mashed potatoes. I can have green beans instead of sweet peas. It is also a good thing that I love salads. I am eating alot of salads. I am not starving myself, even though sometimes I think I am starving. Mostly that is because I haven't drank enough water. Do you know that in most people the body's signal for being thristy is confused with hunger, therefore we eat instead of drink? Into my meals I have added some things that work well for me like the low carb pasta, and the carb count milk beverage. I eat cheese and sour cream (in moderation). I am just being VERY careful and making myself aware of what I am putting into my mouth and therefore into my body. Paying this close attn to what my body tells me is the reason I am beginning to melt away. I have lost 11 pounds in the past 3 weeks according to the bathroom scales. I don't feel like I have lost anything whatsoever but the scales say I have. The weight is coming off easily right now and I know I will hit those bumps in the road where nothing comes off but I am trying so hard not to sabatoge myself from the start. I am gaining willpower daily to look at the chocolate cake on my counter that my kids have for dessert in the evening and not even want a bite. I am not kidding myself either. I know the weight will come off in time. I know it will be long row to hoe in this garden that is my life. But I am willing to work at it. I am smart. I am not doing a stupid fad diet. I am changing my eating style and lifestyle. I have to develop a new relationship with food. That is hard part. Do you know when you are sitting and eating a good meal, relaxed and enjoying yourself that your brain floods your body with oxytocin? It does! That is why many of us fat people associate food with love. That is why we drown our sorrows and comfort our hurt feelings with food. Today our weather forecast is for severe wintry weather, snow and ice mix. School is canceled. I have the wood stove in the kitchen hot and it is warming the back of the house. In the livingroom the fireplace is cheery with the flicker of flames. The perfect day for chicken soup. The woodstove is doing double duty. I have my big heavy stockpot filled with a chicken, water, chopped onion, peper, salt, garlic and other herbs bubbling away. When the chicken is cooked I will divide the broth into 2 pots. In one I will prepare traditional soup with potaotes, carrots, noodles etc. In a second pot I will prepare soup Colby and I can eat. I will use asparagus tips, cauliflower and maybe some low carb rotini. Sure I could make the entire pot low carb but Steve and Gracie like potaoes and carrots. They like the way I have always made it. They will also eat it the new way I fix it but they prefer it the other way. It takes very little effort to prepare both. Everyone will sit this evening at the table and enjoy steaming bowls of soup and a salad. We all will have a full warm tummy and the oxytocin will flood our bodies. The end result I think is being happy in what you are doing. I am very happy right now. I am looking forward to the day when making the choices become automatic and the longing desire for a waffle dripping with butter has passed and I won't remember it or miss it. I am willing to work every single day for every pound that comes off my body. I am working for success. I am doing so in the healthiest way I can. For me this works. For you it may not work. I am not interested in a get skinny quick diet and then the day after I reach my goal weight the pounds start packing back on. I am changing my life in more ways than one. I hope those of you struggling to get control of your body and to get more healthy much success. I hope you are doing it the smart way so that you can have a chance to maintain the loss and enjoy your new thinner body. I am tired of being the fat girl and my weight flip flopping. It took all these years for something inside of me to click to be able to do this. My mind is focused. My body is following. It is all uphill now. I am working on it one day at a time. Knowing you all are watching (and some of you are waiting for me to fall flat on face) and I want to be an inspiration to you. I want to be your cheerleader as well. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for inquiring about my health. Which, btw, I am healthy as a horse. I have not one medical disorder or disease other than I am just fat. Thank you for coming with me on this journey. Somedays I need to hold your hand to get through the bad parts. Thanks for being here. One more thing, I take vitamins daily as well. I take a multi-vitamin but I also supplement with extra calcium, potassium to help my body use the calcium and to prevent leg cramps, vitamin C, B-12 to keep my immune system high, and E for my heart. If you plan to go on a restricted diet plan take your vitamins! I am probably leaving out tons of things I have been thinking about so if you have a question please ask. I don't have time to spellcheck. I will do so later. I am publishing now because I have to feed the baby, settle Gracie with a home from school activity and help Colby by proofreading her paper due tonight. I'll be back later to spellcheck.

This weekend was pretty busy for us. I spent several days last week looking, searching, calling and pricing new tires for Steve's car. He drives a Mustang GT. The tires he wants on that car are not cheap. The Michilin Pilots he has on now made me fall over in a dead faint when I saw the price per tire which did not include mounting or balancing. I did some comparison shopping online and off. I ended up at Sears with a special order tire AND they price matched another seller and gave me a 10% discount on the price. Yayyyyy me! I got those tires for less than anyone was offering them. I think I did pretty well on the price. Most tires places here do not make appointments for you to have your tires put on your car. It is strictly a first come first served venue. Steve and I got up at 6:30am and where at Sears at 8am. We were the first customers of the day. While the car was in the mounting rack we hiked over to Waffle House. The store was closed and nothing opens until 9am or later. I wasn't crossing the main drag 6 lane highway to find another place to have coffee. So, to Waffle House we went. I had decaf coffee, 2 (two not three, how did I type 3 :-/ ) eggs and a patty melt hold the bread. it was good. Now, being on a low carb diet is hard. but to sit in front of a skinny person and watch them indulged in breakfast takes sheer willpower to maintain control. Steve ordered - 2 eggs over medium, 2 sliced buttered toast, double hashbrowns, 2 sausage patties and 2 waffles with butter and syrup and full caff coffee. He ate it all but a little bit of his second waffle. I wanted to take a huge bite of that waffle dripping with butter and hot syrup. My mouth was watering. I watched him shovel in bite after bite before sadly looking out the window knowing I couldn't have a bite. When this weight comes off you will find me in some Waffle House having a waffle dripping with warm butter and syrup. The sugary syrup might make me sick but I am still going to do it. After his breakfast of champions we wandered back over to Sears. We still had about an hour to wait so we mosied around the store. We looked at dune buggies and gardening implements. We researched mega sized flat screen TV's (and almost bought one but then didn't). We did buy a new battery for the cordless phone in our bedroom. The car was ready with new tires, oil change and front end alignment. so, off we went to the Verizon store. We have been having trouble with Verizon. Our bill is set up as a automatic debit by Verizon but every month since consolidating our bill we have been getting late fee charges. Over the phone no one would help us. We had been round and round with them and no one would help figure out what was going on. After nearly an hour in the store it was all settled and fixed. The huge problem dragging around for 6 months was the debit date was after the billing date. No one had fixed the numbers! After we got that straight we looked at the newer model phones. We had planned to get me a new phone but hadn't gotten around to it. Back in the summer a coke got spilled and it has not been the same since. It won't hold a charge, sometimes it won't come out of charging mode, it may tell you after a full charge that the battery is low and just shut down. I only have the phone when I am out and might need assistance or if the school needs to contact me, etc. So, I needed a new phone. I thought I wanted a pink rzr at the buy one get one free price. However, I found that phone to be flimsy and not durable. It is a fashion statement and nothing more. I chose an LG VX8300. Love it! I had only a very basic phone before. No bells and whistles. No extras. Not even a camera. The LG does everything and more. Camera, video and stills, music, web -alot of things I might not even use but the features are there. Steve's old Motorola he has been using for the past 6 years is pathetic. So very basic that it is a dinosaur. When the customer service rep told him with his current plan he had a $100 credit toward a new phone his eyes lit up. While I couldn't convince him he needed a new phone that did the job. He looked at a military spec phone but my cheapo husband took a look at the price and nearly fainted. He did go back and forth for a while and almost spent the $400 for that phone but the sales rep told himt he LG I had chosen was one of the very best in the store. He got the LG. Now we have matching phones. We also have matching laptops. He always ends up getting something I have chosen. we could be twins but he is a man and I am a woman. he is skinny and I am fat. So that's not much like twins. Anyway - I spent Saturday programing all the numbers into my phone. I did Steve's too. Because I am nice like that. Then I created backup assistant accounts on the Verizon site so that the phones are sync'd and updated every night. Never again will I have to sit and punch in every number and name one letter at a time. Hurrah! So that was the jist of our weekend. How was your's? P.S. How much weight did I lose last week?

Steven is sleeping -finally! I am trying to be very very quiet. Do you know how rare a nap is? My boy doesn't sleep or rest well. He is constantly on the go. I am enjoying these quiet minutes like you wouldn't believe. I am so very grateful for them. Thank you all for the birthday wishes. He has had a very busy week (which means I have had an even busier week). I need to boost my protein intake. Eggs seem to be the easiest solution. I buy eggs in a 5 dozen flat. Now if I can just figure out how to get this latest box down my throat. I have fried eggs. I have boiled eggs and added them to salads and pasta. I hate scrambled eggs. I have even done omelettes. None of which are appealing. I can only do so much with eggs. The way my brain is fried at the moment I can't even come up with anything appetizing for the incredible edible egg. Please won't you share with me your favorite recipe for eggs?

Dear Steven, It has been a full year since you made your appearance into our lives as a breathing crying baby wrapped in hospital blankets and wearing tiny diapers. In that past year I have watched you grow and change in so many ways that at times I felt my heartbreaking both with sadness at how fast you were leaving behind your baby days and with awe at every new thing you learned and accomplished. I loved you before I knew you. I dreamed of you a very long time before you even became a living being in my body. Your father and I felt it was a cruel fate as we tried so many times to conceive and failed while we watched your father's brother and wife concieve yet another baby. Can you even begin to comprehend the joy and happiness we felt when we learned very soon after that we too were having a baby? I can't even find the words to express the deep down peace and feeling of great blessing that settled in my heart. I knew you would be named Steven, after your Dad, from the start. Although you father is not keen on naming sons with a Jr., suffix. I tried my best to name you after your father, his name to be your legacy to carry through this life. Compromising we named you a combination of names, a true legacy of not one but three generations of men whose blood flows in your veins. You are named in honor of your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather - that is a fine foundation from which your roots grow. From the beginning you were such an alert baby. You slept in small naps through the day. It is the amount of awake time that surprised us. You paid attention to everything and everyone. Your eyes were always bright and focusing on the world around you. In those days you loved your swing. Every morning, after your breakfast, after Gracie was off on the school bus, you fussed until you were put in your swing. As the swing reclined and rocked you were lulled into dreamland. There you stayed often for as long as three hours. Now you don't know what a three hour nap is. There are even days now when you can't be bothered with a nap. Nearing your fourth month we had to remove the swing. You would sit up and grap the front legs and bring yourself and the swing to an abrupt halt. The gears would grate as the batteries tried very hardest to rock the swing. Your Paul Bunyon grip and bulging biceps kept the swing still. After a few times of that the swing never did swing the same. Eventually it just gave out all together. Since we had no swing we decided we would introduce you to an exersaucer since you wanted to sit up more. It was during this time that you hated being on your tummy more every day and screamed bloody murder if you were placed on your tummy. Sadly I looked on and wondered how you would learn to sit yourself up or crawl beings that you refused to even try. Silly me. You did all these things with steadfast determination. I couldn't help you accomplish those physical feats of strength and coordination. You did it all on your own. Just the way we have all had to learn. The struggle was all your own but at times painful for me to watch as I wanted to help you so very much. Spring came followed by summer. Summer found you swimming in the pool. Colby would take you out late every afternoon. Into the pool you went. She would hold you, play with you, let you float, ride in your boat, whatever the activity you loved it. You often put your face in the water all on your own and would smile afterwards while trying to blink through the water streaming from your head. You didn't much care for the outdoors other than the pool. In your seat or exersaucer or walker you cried when taken outside. You hated being on the porch while I was in the kitchen. The doors were wide open yet you screamed like someone was removing your finger and toe nails with pliers. I can't figure that one out yet. Fall came and you were this giggling bundle of moving arms and legs. Busy busy busy. Crawling and scooting all over the place. You enjoyed every place we took you. You have never made us regret taking you to a public restaurant, shopping center, movie theater, etc. (Which reminds me! The first few months of your life I would take you with me to the movies and sit in the back and you would nurse and sleep while I watched the latest movie. Those were great days! Mommie and me outings and no one cried!) At Christmas you were not so interested in unwrapping presents. Your father coaxed you and you barely gave him what he asked for. You were happy just to crawl between everyone and their gifts. Your father ended up doing the most work in opening your presents. It was a great Christmas. We know each and every one to come will be better and better as you come to realize what it is that is happening. Right now you think pretty much every day is Christms. A trip to Target? Walmart? Grovery store? The Mall? Why, Steven needs this! And yet again we bring something home. The new year came and with it you begin to register that the Mamamamama and the Dadadadada was me and your father. The recognition slowly spread across your face. It was with great delight you ran across the room calling me. Or grabbed at the phone calling your father. To see the connection, to know the synaps were synapsing was a moment of great startling revolution for me. Your cognitive skills amaze and delight me each and every day. You walk. I tease and call your fat wide feet baby Flintstone feet. It is not a bad thing really. Those feet are the firm foundation upon which you will grow to be a strong man. I love your soft round toes and often nibble them and rub the pads of my fingers along your feet while you nurse. It is one of my favorite times of the day. You try to talk. You chitter chatter. Pointing and making all sorts of sounds is how you communicate. I think I am doing a good job of interpreting what you need. If not, I am so sorry. I am trying. In this last month you have learned more than I ever imagined. You hug. You kiss. You volunteer kisses. You give kisses when asked. You love to dance to music. You can wipe your nose with a tissue but you will not point to your nose when we ask "Where is your nose?". You know that ponytail holders are for hair and often hold them to your hair and grin. You know that a hairbrush is for brushing your hair and you try to brush our hair. You have a quick temper. You are also very spoiled. You like to come to my laptop and wiggle the mouse like you are doing something important. You click click click the mouse have reset my desktop on many occassion. You surpass all expectations. Even your pediatrician says you are far above your age level in your mental development. This we already knew but it is fun to watch other people discover it. You simply are a brilliant baby. I love watching you while you nurse. I think weaning you is going to be a HUGE job. Right now you refuse to be weaned. I love watching you gurgle and chitter chat and the big belly laughs. I love the rounded edge of your baby teeth and the blue of your eyes. I love your sweet soft lips and the pat of your hands against my face. I love you, my sweet baby. I love you differently than I think I would if I were 20. I love you fiercely and passionately. I would search to the ends of the earth for you. I would lay down my life to protect yours. You are the very breathe that I breath. It has been a long birthday week celebration. You have gotten so many gifts from friends and family. The excitement wears you out. Sweet dreams, my baby boy. Happy Birthday. Love, Momma This post is not spell checked. Goodnight.

How Cold Is It? The morning temperature for children to go out to the school bus this morning. It is so cold ...

• when I milked the cows, I got ice cream!
• when I milked the brown cows - I got chocolate ice cream!
• the snowman knocked on the door and asked to sleep on the couch!

Now it's your turn. Tell me how cold it is where you are. Then finish the joke "It's so cold" ...

We had an early birthday party for Steven's 1st birthday on Saturday afternoon. I made regular meat and tomato lasagne and a low carb chicken and spinach lasagne. The lasagne of chicken and spinach was a hit. Steve's mom rarely gets seconds at a meal. She returned for seconds of this dish so I know I scored a homerun! I forgot to take a photo of it coming out of the oven bubbly and hot. Steven had a tiny cake all of his own. I can't believe he ate almost the entire thing. Just for reference the little tractor candle on this cake is about 1 inch long. This was the cutest little cake. Steve's parent brought as part of Steven's gifts toys from his grandfather's childhood. They also brought him a teddy bear they picked up in Germany on a vacation. Steven has hung on to the bear alot. He even had to sleep with it last night. To my way of thinking he likes that soft little bear and is forming an attachment to it. He had his breakfast while sitting in the wagon yesterday morning. Silly boy. The wheelbarrow and the wagon are close to 60 years old. The horn is very annoying. We gave him a little scoot and ride John Deere tractor. He loves pressing the horn. He was hesitant at first about putting his hands into it. His birthday is Wednesday. We will have cake again. He decided he could eat it better with a spoon. It is always surprising to me that while I am here every day the days are simply passing more quickly than I realize. This time last year I was stretched to the limit, 1 cm dialated, hoping to go into labor at any time but only managing to have those aweful braxton hicks contraction. This time last year the grandparent's brought another special gift. I find as my children's birthdays approach I walk down memory lane alot. It think about the anticipation of their arrival. So clearly can I remember the details. When I close my eyes I can still feel the sensation of each of them moving around inside of me in those final days and hours. Colby's and Gracie's births are as clear as Steven's even with almost 20 years between them all. I love that smile! Steve says the year has passed in a blurr and very few of the details does he remember. Does your husband remember your children's births with a huge difference in the amount of details they retain?

We went to Target. Among the things we purchased where pajamas and socks. These pajamas and socks. Now I am going to unhinge my jaw and swallow his cuteness in one bite.

Thank you.