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February 07, 2007

Full Circle

Dear Steven,

It has been a full year since you made your appearance into our lives as a breathing crying baby wrapped in hospital blankets and wearing tiny diapers.

In that past year I have watched you grow and change in so many ways that at times I felt my heartbreaking both with sadness at how fast you were leaving behind your baby days and with awe at every new thing you learned and accomplished.

I loved you before I knew you. I dreamed of you a very long time before you even became a living being in my body. Your father and I felt it was a cruel fate as we tried so many times to conceive and failed while we watched your father's brother and wife concieve yet another baby. Can you even begin to comprehend the joy and happiness we felt when we learned very soon after that we too were having a baby? I can't even find the words to express the deep down peace and feeling of great blessing that settled in my heart.

I knew you would be named Steven, after your Dad, from the start. Although you father is not keen on naming sons with a Jr., suffix. I tried my best to name you after your father, his name to be your legacy to carry through this life. Compromising we named you a combination of names, a true legacy of not one but three generations of men whose blood flows in your veins. You are named in honor of your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather - that is a fine foundation from which your roots grow.

From the beginning you were such an alert baby. You slept in small naps through the day. It is the amount of awake time that surprised us. You paid attention to everything and everyone. Your eyes were always bright and focusing on the world around you.

In those days you loved your swing. Every morning, after your breakfast, after Gracie was off on the school bus, you fussed until you were put in your swing. As the swing reclined and rocked you were lulled into dreamland. There you stayed often for as long as three hours. Now you don't know what a three hour nap is. There are even days now when you can't be bothered with a nap.

Nearing your fourth month we had to remove the swing. You would sit up and grap the front legs and bring yourself and the swing to an abrupt halt. The gears would grate as the batteries tried very hardest to rock the swing. Your Paul Bunyon grip and bulging biceps kept the swing still. After a few times of that the swing never did swing the same. Eventually it just gave out all together.

Since we had no swing we decided we would introduce you to an exersaucer since you wanted to sit up more. It was during this time that you hated being on your tummy more every day and screamed bloody murder if you were placed on your tummy. Sadly I looked on and wondered how you would learn to sit yourself up or crawl beings that you refused to even try.

Silly me. You did all these things with steadfast determination. I couldn't help you accomplish those physical feats of strength and coordination. You did it all on your own. Just the way we have all had to learn. The struggle was all your own but at times painful for me to watch as I wanted to help you so very much.

Spring came followed by summer. Summer found you swimming in the pool. Colby would take you out late every afternoon. Into the pool you went. She would hold you, play with you, let you float, ride in your boat, whatever the activity you loved it. You often put your face in the water all on your own and would smile afterwards while trying to blink through the water streaming from your head.

You didn't much care for the outdoors other than the pool. In your seat or exersaucer or walker you cried when taken outside. You hated being on the porch while I was in the kitchen. The doors were wide open yet you screamed like someone was removing your finger and toe nails with pliers. I can't figure that one out yet.

Fall came and you were this giggling bundle of moving arms and legs. Busy busy busy. Crawling and scooting all over the place. You enjoyed every place we took you. You have never made us regret taking you to a public restaurant, shopping center, movie theater, etc. (Which reminds me! The first few months of your life I would take you with me to the movies and sit in the back and you would nurse and sleep while I watched the latest movie. Those were great days! Mommie and me outings and no one cried!)

At Christmas you were not so interested in unwrapping presents. Your father coaxed you and you barely gave him what he asked for. You were happy just to crawl between everyone and their gifts. Your father ended up doing the most work in opening your presents. It was a great Christmas. We know each and every one to come will be better and better as you come to realize what it is that is happening. Right now you think pretty much every day is Christms. A trip to Target? Walmart? Grovery store? The Mall? Why, Steven needs this! And yet again we bring something home.

The new year came and with it you begin to register that the Mamamamama and the Dadadadada was me and your father. The recognition slowly spread across your face. It was with great delight you ran across the room calling me. Or grabbed at the phone calling your father. To see the connection, to know the synaps were synapsing was a moment of great startling revolution for me. Your cognitive skills amaze and delight me each and every day.

You walk. I tease and call your fat wide feet baby Flintstone feet. It is not a bad thing really. Those feet are the firm foundation upon which you will grow to be a strong man. I love your soft round toes and often nibble them and rub the pads of my fingers along your feet while you nurse. It is one of my favorite times of the day.

You try to talk. You chitter chatter. Pointing and making all sorts of sounds is how you communicate. I think I am doing a good job of interpreting what you need. If not, I am so sorry. I am trying.

In this last month you have learned more than I ever imagined. You hug. You kiss. You volunteer kisses. You give kisses when asked. You love to dance to music. You can wipe your nose with a tissue but you will not point to your nose when we ask "Where is your nose?". You know that ponytail holders are for hair and often hold them to your hair and grin. You know that a hairbrush is for brushing your hair and you try to brush our hair.

You have a quick temper. You are also very spoiled. You like to come to my laptop and wiggle the mouse like you are doing something important. You click click click the mouse have reset my desktop on many occassion.

You surpass all expectations. Even your pediatrician says you are far above your age level in your mental development. This we already knew but it is fun to watch other people discover it. You simply are a brilliant baby.

I love watching you while you nurse. I think weaning you is going to be a HUGE job. Right now you refuse to be weaned. I love watching you gurgle and chitter chat and the big belly laughs. I love the rounded edge of your baby teeth and the blue of your eyes. I love your sweet soft lips and the pat of your hands against my face.

I love you, my sweet baby. I love you differently than I think I would if I were 20. I love you fiercely and passionately. I would search to the ends of the earth for you. I would lay down my life to protect yours. You are the very breathe that I breath.

It has been a long birthday week celebration. You have gotten so many gifts from friends and family. The excitement wears you out. Sweet dreams, my baby boy. Happy Birthday.

Love,
Momma

This post is not spell checked. Goodnight.

Posted by Angie at February 7, 2007 02:55 PM

Comments

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