More Doggie Duty
Thank you all for your comments and emails. Most of them were very kind.
Let me make it clear that I have not been on the sidelines chanting 'put the dog down'. Neither have I been a cheerleader with every movement of a leg or toe. I have not overly encouraged him or discouraged him in any way. She is not showing real improvement and I can't play into the "Look! Her leg moved. Everything is fine now" game. It is wrong. Someone has to be a grown up here and it seems to always fall on me.
I was asked to help make a desicion and I refused to participate. She is not my dog. I also won't have it come back to haunt me that I had the ultimate sway in how things played out. I have made it very clear I will not be care taker or nursemaid to a dog. I did NOT take wedding vows "in sickness and in health" with any dog included as part of my commiment to my marriage.
The dog has had her steroid shots. She has been given oral steroids as prescribed. She has been crated since I brought her home from the vet last week. She has shown a tiny bit of improvement. She can stand on her back legs about one minute then she lists to the side and goes down. Which isn't really improvement at all. She can't walk on her own. She is sleeping far more than she ever slept before. She is taken out frequently to do her business but she still has accidents. Weither she can control that completely or not I am not sure.
Steve has taken this very hard. I have been as supportive as I can be but I won't tell him everything will be okay when obviously it is not. I won't be the one to blow smoke up his ass and make him feel better just to let this dog continue to linger in this state and myself being forced to be the caregiver every day. It is not fair to anyone involved. Especially not the dog.
He has reluctantly called the vet, who discussed having treated the dog with him, and the time has come to realize she will not recover. He made an appointment to have her put to sleep. I feel like when he even discusses the situation he is pointing invisible fingers at me and blaming me for something. When asked he won't discuss it. So even by not saying anything and not weighing-in to help make a choice I feel like I am going to carry the lion's share of the burden forever in having this dog put down. Thirty years from now I will be one who ultimately made him put his dog down. I can already feel it in the air. It is an unspoken communication hovering there.
I am very tired of having to be the strong one all of the time.
I'm still chuckling over the image in my head of you waving your pompoms chanting "Put the dog down!" And of course, this is not funny.
My sister just found out that her dog has cancer. Very sad. What makes it worse is that although she can barely pay her regular bills not to mention the money she owes people *cough*, she's considering spending up to 5K for chemo for the pup. And the chemo can't even cure the dog - just prolong it's most likely miserable life.
I think you have to ask yourself if making the decision for yourself or the dog.
With all that said, I'll have you know that when my sweet Lillian passes on I will need deep intensive therapy. Seriously. I can see why people go batshit.
Poor Angie and Steve. Your marriage will get through this.
My assvice? Because I know you like assvice.
Assvice for Steve: No pointing invisible fingers.
Assvice for Angie: Steve needs to grieve. This does not necessarily mean that he is pointing fingers at you. Try to let him know that you understand that he is sad and support him in that and let him know that it hurts you to think that he might be blaming you.
More assvice for Steve: You need to talk this through with Angie, who loves you. She will let you grieve if you share your feelings fully.
Angie I wish I could come over and give you a hug. This is hard on everyone. But, it is VERY hard being the person who looks down the road and views the future in realistic terms. I hope Steve can make peace with his decision and come to realize that no one is to blame.
Angie, I agree with Raehan. I hope you can both resolve this soon.
He may not be blaming you 30 years from now. At the moment, he needs a scapegoat to blame for an unfortunate situation over which he has no control. And you're handy. Not the most mature strategy on his part, and probably unconscious, but there you have it. The good news is that, with objectivity that comes with passage of time, he MAY gain a more realistic outlook on the whole thing. Give him some time.
The dog needs to be humanely euthanized. Steve needs to grow up about this. He needs to be a man, step up to the plate, and take that dog in and hold her in his arms while she goes to sleep peacefully. He owes her that much.
Oh shit, here I am yelling at your husband in your comments. Don't hurt me, Steve!
I am so sorry.
As others said before me, Steve simply needs the time to get through this.
The loss of a well loved pet is never easy. I have no doubt that Steve feels guilty over the dog being sick, being unable to recover AND putting you in the middle of all of it.
Remember, dear Angie. Men are, by nature, FIXERS. When they CAN'T fix something, the resulting frustration is sometimes passed on to those closest to them.
I am with Miz S. Whatever you do Angie I know you will do the right thing. I am not a pet person but I respect pet owners. It is such a touch decision. Hugs from the bee .
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