Recently in Momentous Events Category
I forget how many days in a row it has been 100 degrees or higher here. It is sinfully hot and miserable. The pool temp is hovering somewhere around the 90 degree mark. It is so hot and humid if the laudry isn't removed from the washer almost immediately it turns sour before it gets dry. Yuck. It is just plain hot.
Want to know how hot is hot?
We were doing yardwork at 7:30 am. By 9am we were in the pool trying to cool down.
It is that hot.
I also have done something and I don't know why. I cut my hair. I cut 12 inches off the length of my hair.
"Right here, in the middle of the kitchen garbage with the kids downstairs," Steven lowered himself to his knees, "Will you marry me?"
"Yes," through a storm of tears, "yes, I will."
Later that evening we ate BBQ, watched fireworks and a performance by The President's Own.
Steven wanted it to be special and part of a historical event. I think he succeeded.
Before Steven and I met face to face we talked on the phone every morning, every night, more and more and more. Eventually we were talking several times a day and hours and hours on the weekend. It was nothing for him to call at 7pm and we would talk till midnight or later. In that time you get to know a person and to trust their words according to the tone of their voice.
I knew up front he never intended to marry again or to have other children. I chided him often. I would tell him how much of a disservice he did to himself banning everyone from his life based on the shitty experience with his ex-wife. I told him one day a woman would come along and be worthy of his heart. He shouldn't deny himself real happiness. Eventually he grudgingly agreed maybe someone out there was worthy of his trust and devotion.
About a month later he said to me, "One day I am going to ask you to marry me." I believed him.
We talked about children. He once told me that he never wanted another child. For several reasons. One children are used as weapons by some women. Two he didn't think he could love another child like his first. Three he didn't think J. would grow accustomed to impact of another child, so he didn't plan on having another. I could fully understand the first. I told him the second was a crock. Love grows it doesn't take away. The third I got angry with him. I told him if he ever met a nice woman that he could he should tell her up front so she can walk away if she so chooses. I fussed about how he was letting a child make decisions for his future and the future of the woman who did come into his life.
About a week later he told me he had given real thought to the issue and concluded once again I was right. He had never looked at it that way before and it was in no way fare to the woman who might win his heart.
Eventually he did ask me to marry him. Then he bought us a farm and moved us back to the country where I belong. He also gave me a great cool car the day after Mother's Day. We have lived happily every after.
Until a few weeks ago. I have been very sick. Tired beyond tired. Snotty nose, slight cough. As my symptoms worsened and I became sicker each day I decided I should make an appointment to see a doctor. I knew without a doubt what the diagnosis would be. Steven would not believe it until a PhD confirmed it. I have been on the couch for the past two weeks. Sicker than sick. He has been so worried.
I went to the doctor today.
I married a geek I met on the net.
And then we bought a farm.
And then he gave me a cool car.
And then he gave me a baby.
Shhhhhhhh ... I am not supposed to tell anyone until the family knows but I can't keep quiet any longer. It is our secret. O'kay?
Dear Colby,
Tonight at 12:25am, May 18th, you will have become 18 years old. In the eyes of the world this will make you legally an adult. You will have new choices to make, new paths to follow and dreams to catch in your net like butterflies passing on the wind. To the world you may be seen as an adult but to me you will always be my baby, my first love, my heart, my little girl, a beautiful young woman, a part of me that no one can ever take away. From the moment you were given life until the end of time and evermore you will be my child. When I am 100 and you are 80 and we have forgotten in our old age who is the mother and who is the daughter I will still be your mother and you will still be my baby.
I was 20, not much older than you, when you entered my life physically. Before that, for nine months you had been a dream, a wish, a prayer, real yet still unreal, a whisper of the future, a physical part of my body, flesh of my flesh that can never be undone.
You are the reason I decided to grow up. You are the reason a girl became a woman. Not because I gave physical birth to you. Giving birth does not make you a woman or a momma. Please always remember that. If I have taught you anything this I have and I want you to never forget it. You will not completely understand it until someday you have a child of your own.
As a woman I understood the responsibility of having a child. I wanted to be the very best mother that had ever been or ever will be. I wanted to be the woman that taught you everything. I have always prayed I was an example of a woman that you could rise up and call blessed. Not for selfish reasons or pride but because I wanted to be a Godly example for you.
I held you in my arms, tears streaming down my cheeks, within moments of your birth. The entire world was shown to me in your tiny face. I even said to the doctor, "I am holding the entire world in my hands at this moment." I fell in love with you then and I am still in love with you now.
You were the most attentive and active baby I had ever seen, that your Granny had ever seen, that your Papa had ever seen. Within 6 months you weaned yourself and demanded a cup. At 7 months you walked, all on your own, holding onto nothing. You went from sitting up to walking in a matter of days which in many ways did not surprise me at all. The day you were born you were the topic of conversation by the nurses in the nursery. You were the newborn who could lift herself with her forearms and look from side to side. You were eager to know what the world was all about. Before that first year was over you were talking in sentences and potty trained.
In this year you also suffered in a way no child ever should. You were horridly burned while being left with your father's parents for a total of two hours. I have never in my life felt so completely helpless and out of control. I stayed by your hospital bed only leaving one time in the entire two weeks to go home and pack a bag. You slept on my chest every night. I went with you daily to therapy while they scrubbed your hands that had no skin whatsoever left on them. I understood this had to be done but the entire time I wanted to kill those people who were hurting my precious baby.
Colby, God answers prayers. You are a living example of answered prayers. When you are at the end of your rope and feel you have no where to turn, please remember what I have tried so hard to teach you, God is always there. You are never alone.
God was with us the night they told us there nothing left to do for your hands. He listened to my prayers. There is no other way to explain the miracle of millions of skin cells forming on your hands overnight, in less than 6 hours from the time the doctors made evening rounds and returned early the next morning for your skin grafting surgery. God answered my prayer and you never needed that surgery, you needed nothing but God's power and He healed you. He always will. It is my prayer now that you will continue on the path we have traveled together. Lean on God for everything. Seek his will. He will never leave you.
I know you think I have been hard on you as you have grown up. I know I have been hard on you. I never demanded more from you than you could give and you have always exceeded my greatest expectations. You have grown into a responsible, moral young woman who will someday be an awesome wife and mother. The man who wins your heart will have the greatest treasure known to mankind. I hope you choose well.
We have often talked about this and I believe as I think you do, God has been preparing the perfect man for you. He has been grooming him all these years. Do not be in a hurry to get married and have children. In His perfect time the man of your dreams, the man worthy of you will come along. Please do not let him pass you by.
Time passes quickly as we grow older but I remember as if it were just yesterday everything about you. Birth and crying all night.Tea parties and baby dolls. Dress-up and lipstick. School books and pony tails. Piano lessons and school bus stops. Make-up and perfume. Sunday school and summer camp. Salvation and baptism. Homeschool and baby sisters. Good times and bad. We have been through them all together. We have so much more to do together.
I am so sorry for things in the past. I am sorry your father was not the Daddy you needed him to be. I believe divorcing him was the best thing I ever did. Some may think I was saving myself and in a way I was but in my mind I was saving you. Saving you from the bitterness and ugliness of a man who had lost his grip on life. Saving you from heartbreak and disappointment of watching a man who could never be what you needed him to be. Through this you and I came out together.
As the years of just us passed I do know how out of control you felt when Steven came into our lives. I know how difficult it was to share me, to share us, with someone unknown. I know your expectations were high where he was concerned. I believe he has surpassed them all. He may not be your biological father but he has proven himself in this one short year to be your Dad. He always will be your Dad. In the beginning I admit to being jealous and hurt when you turned from me to him when you needed a shoulder, a friend, a Dad. I quickly learned I had lost nothing and gained everything in this man who loved my child as much as I love you. He will always be your ship in the storm of life.
Please know that Steven loves you beyond anything your father ever felt for you. I know in your heart you think only of him as your Dad. I know you think he pushes too hard at times. Perhaps he does. In his heart he is doing his best to be the man you need to see as a role model. He only has the very best intentions for you in his heart. I know you know this.
I also want to thank you. Thank you for being the most perfect daughter a parent could ask for. Thank you for being the example of everything a sister should be. You have raised the bar. Gracie can only grow-up to be an incredible young woman because she has you to follow. Your footsteps are her guide.
During the times when we had nothing except each other thank you for helping me. Thank you for digging in, for using up and wearing out, without ever complaining. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for being my daughter.
I have often played this day out in my mind. What will I say to you that will give you the confidence you need to take the step forward, away from me and into your own world that you create. This is all I have ever been able to think of: I love you. I have always loved you. I will always love you. I love who you are. I love everything about you. As long as there is breath in me I will be here for you. Never hesitate to come to me. Nothing you can ever say will change my love for you. Perhaps we may not always agree. You have your own life to create. Regardless of your choices I will always be here, waiting, watching and loving you, just as I have every moment of your life, from your very first breath.
There is a poem that I have lived as my motto.
Do you remember it?
Cleaning and Scrubbing
Can wait till tomorrow
For babies grow up
We learn to our sorrow.
Settle down cobwebs,
Dust go to sleep
I'm rocking my baby
'Cause babies don't keep.
Every word is truth. You didn't keep. You grew up. What a beautiful moment I have been blessed to witness.
My mother never understood how or why I could leave dishes in the sink and laundry in the basket, forgettting them so that I could play with you. She never understood how a bed could be left unmade and the carpet not vacuumed every single day. I hope when you have your own children you will remember those little words and you will forget about your chores for the moment and spend those minutes sharing, caring, loving your own children. Dishes can be washed and laundry can be folded after little ones go to sleep. When the time is gone you can never get it back. I hope you will never get so wrapped up in the details of living that you forget how to live your life for every moment.
So on today, this is my wish for you: May you find the path that leads you to the life you want. May you find the courage and the strength to create the world you want to live in. May you find true love and happiness in one man who deserves you. May you have children who rise up and call you blessed.
Happy Birthday, my darling girl.
Love,
Momma
Steven and I were married today in a very quiet family ceremony in Manassas, Virginia. He wore a black suit, white shirt and burgandy tie. I wore a black silk 2 piece suit with white collar and cuffs. The children were dressed in beautiful white dresses. We stood before the clerk of court and recited the vows, looking into one another's eyes. Our parents stood near, his mother weeping, my mother smiling, his brother and family off to the side witnessing our commitment to one another.
I was a beautiful day to lookers on ... those of us behind the scenes saw things in different light.
Throughout the ceremony I just knew Steven was going to pass out! His blue eyes were dialated to magnificent proportion. His skin color was deathly white. His voice did not falter but he was shaking as I held his hands. I waited with baited breath and wondered at which point he was going to hit the floor!
I was having a little trouble paying attention to the words spoke by the officiate. My mind was swirling with events from the past, the present and looking to the future. When it was my turn to recire my vows I could hear the shake in my own voice. I stared into his eyes and kept thinking "Don't you dare pass out", to MYSELF!!! which I knew would not happen because the new shoes I had on were killing my feet!
After the ceremony we returned to our home, had cake and champange, then went out to dinner at one of our favorite places Peking Gourmet Inn located in Falls Church. We had the duck. The duck alone is worth getting married for!
Afterward, we went home, children in tow and went to sleep.
We will leave next weekend to head out to the Outer Banks in North Carolina.
I guess when you marry for the second time no one cares whether or not you have any private time.
Oh well, so goes life :-s
All along we had talked about and planned to be married in Vegas. When it came down to the nitty gritty, Steven backed out and I had to compromise to keep people from being upset. No one seems to know or give a care as to how upset I am or will be for a VERY long time. On the one day that is supposed to be mine, nothing was as it had been planned. I wanted the 3 days at the Belagio, Wayne Newton, and the Graceland Chapel. Instead I got a couthouse in Manassas, Va., and my mother across the hall in one of the kids bedrooms.
According to other opinions I have no reason to feel let down nor pushed aside. When I reconciled to the fact I was indeed not going to Vegas, I planned the wedding in 2 days, bought all the clothes, made all the arrangements and hand wrote the announcements.
I still long for my dreams of my wedding announcements being mailed from Memphis, Tn, while we toured Graceland.
One thing that did go right, I married a wonderful man who truly loves me as no one ever has.
Steven officially proposed today.
I never saw it coming. I didn't expect it. I always wondered exactly how it would unfold. It was nothing like either of us had envision. lol
We were sitting at the table, I admit I was upset about sa conversation we had the night before just before sleeping. I did not sleep at all last night.
We were in the kitchen, I had been cleaning and had several bags of trash I needed to take out. He gets up from his chair and moves the bags, I am thinking he is going to take it out to the can for me, instead ...
He kneels before, takes my hand, looks into my eyes and says ...
"In the middle of the trash and with the kids downstairs, will you marry me?"
He took my breath away!
"Yes!" "Yes!" I burst into tears and words would not come for a long time.
We have waited all day, enjoying the moment ourselves, painted the 1/2 bath, whispered amongst ourselves before telling Colby.
She has always known I wanted to go to Vegas to do it but she really went off the deep end crying and showing her butt in a tantrum about how unfair it is that none of them will be there to see the moment.
Talking before sleep, and tons of guilt heaped on subconsciously by Steve, I think I will have to change plans and please everyone but myself. I am sick of people being greedy and expecting things their way and having to give in every time to what someone else wants.
I am going to sleep on it but I know I will have to give in and put someone else's wants before my own. Angie takes a back seat on what should be the happiest day to date.
I think I have a bad attitude. Goodnight.
We are tired - worn out - exhausted.
We have spent the past week closing up our house and getting ready for the move northward to Va. I swear I don't ever want to move again. Where does all this crap come from that is hiding in closets and drawers? We got so tired we just threw stuff away. We used the 6 month rule, if we haven't used it in 6 months we probably do not need it. We don't need it, we got rid of it! We intended to leave Friday morning, just wasn't happening, we were so tired and getting slower in our efforts so we decided to wait till Saturday morning. We did not leave at 4 am like we planned, we slept a bit too late. After all the tears and goodbyes with my momma we managed to hit the road at 10:30 am Saturday morning.
The drive uneventful and didn't seem as long as driving at night can seem. It was odd to see places in the daytime we had only seen at night. We were ahead of schedule and doing really well until we hit Richmond. The traffic from Richmond for the entire 80 odd miles to here was heavy and with the weather changing for the worst it really slowed us down. We gradually ran into heavier and heavier percipitation in the form of sleet and rain. The roads were freezing over and with the amount of traffic I just knew some freak who can't drive would end up plowing into us. Thank heaven we arrived safe and without incident.
As we pulled up the road leading to the house we could see into the front window and there was a big "Welcome Home" sign to greet us. Colby saw it first and her smile was huge. I think she was near to tears. Gracie was asleep since Richmond and we had to give it good effort to wake her up to see the accumulation of ice and snow as drove into the subdivision. All she wanted to do was get out of the Explorer and get inside. The sleet was becoming heavier and I swear the weather is like none I know. It is cold, just like back home, but it is a different cold. the whipping wind just bites straight thru all layers of clothing.
Sunday and Monday we girls hung out in our pj's and lounged around. Eating and watching TV is aout the most strenuous thing we did. i am still very tired and I know Colby is too.
This morning we went to enroll Gracie in to the new school and what a surprise was instore for us.
1. They would not accept the documents in her transcript.
2. They need a BC abd SS card that is original. the notary copies will not do.
3. Proof of our residence. (Steve has had to write a brief letter stating we live in his home and are getting married soon. Like how in the hell am I supposed to have mail and bills in my name here if we just arrived over the weekend?)
4. You cannot start school on the same day you enroll.
5. Nothing here is ever done quickly.
6. Kindergarden is not an all day long thing. gracie will attend afternoon class and will only school from 12:30 pm till 3:30 pm daily. How odd when we are used to her being in school all day.
7. The school supply list, no book bags with wheels. Oh well, Gracie just got a new Disney bag for her birthday at Christmas and I am not buying a new one.
One big things here .. I have misplaced her BC with the state seal on it. i had it, but I can't find it. WTF? I was just looking at it the other day as we packed and i must have put it in a wrong envelope. So, to make a long story short ... i called the vital records department back home and managed to get them to send me on Fed Ex tomorrow morning. the cost is $43. WTF? That would be my luck, lose the paper that costs the most to get a copy of. In the end all is well.
I am still tired. We have unloaded about half the things in the truck but we have to do somethings in the house before we really can unload all of it. No big deal. it can sit out there for a couple more days. I am just too tired yet to deal with it.
This morning after Steve got off to work, I cooked homemade bread to go with this huge pot of homemade vegetable soup I made. The house is warm and smells great. The windows are a bit foggy and everything is neat, tidy and feels so cozy.
Now all we are going to do is wait for Steve to come back home. :-)
