Motherhood: February 2006 Archives

We arrived at the hospital at just after 7am Tuesday morning. The air was crisp and clear. I was more quiet than usual as I ran the scenerio of what was to happen through my head. I admit to being anxious, even a bit nervous. The clinical side of things was looming ahead of me. I sat quiet in the car as Steven drove. I tried not to think about the things to come instead focusing on the time when it is all said and done. But it was hard to not remember other times when I was in similar circumstance. I began to wonder if I was ready for the feeling of being inthe path of a moving freight train and the wreck that is your body left in its wake. I closed my eyes and tried to picture a baby's face, the sound of a first cry, the joy that would well up in a fount of happiness. By the time we got to the hospital I had a grip on myself. I took a deep refreshing breath of the cold crisp air, held Steven's hand as we crossed the parking lot and went into the hospital and for the last time tried to burn the moment into my memory. The weight of my baby inside of me, the pressure against the floor of my pelvis, even the discomfort of walking with so much resting against my bladder. Even now as I write this, mere hours after his birth, I have trouble remembering the true sensation that had weighed me down and made me so very tired in the weeks past. Up the elevator we went to the magical third floor. (Why is it the 3rd floor of every hospital is the magical place where heaven meets earth?) We followed the posted signs that pointed red arrows toward labor and delivery. We checked on and were shown to the room that would be ours until after the delivery -#3069. This is how the day went: 7:30 - Get undressed, put on hospital gown, climb onto the hospital bed. I HATE the open flap at the back were your butt shines brightly for all to see. I think there would be a market in manufacturing something much more attractive so you can opt out of wearing their gowns. My nurses assigned to me were Debbie and Michelle. Debbie was in her late 40's, very thin and tall and blonde. She was sweet and talkative and very friendly. She made me so at ease I could easily have put her in my pocket and brought her home with me. I really need to send her a note to thank her for all she did. She seemed to be the kind of person you want to have for a forever and ever friend. Just the sweetest woman, I don't know how else to describe her. She was training Michelle for L&D. Michelle was normally an ER nurse and learing all the ins and outs of charting and managing L&D patients was new for her. She was in her mid 30's and was also just the sweetest woman you could want to have by your bedside but she needed more practice with the sticking people with needles. 8:00 - Have IV started. This hurt like hell!! The nurse was not a good stick, although she tried to be gentle. The damn little catheter they thread into the back of your hand agrivated and pained me all day long. When she put it in and taped it down it pulled and pinched. If I bent my wrist it jabbed and hurt enough to make me jump. I tried very hard not to move that hand more than need be. Next I had to answer a bajillion questions which I had already answered for the doctor but the office had not sent over my records as of yet and I had to answer them again. Things like how many pregnancies have you had, how many were live births, how many miscarriages, birth date, allergies, etc etc etc. Which got completely confusing to them when I explained that I had been pregnant 6 times, twice as a surrogate and one was twins that ended as a single because one reabsorbed and another was triplets and I could not carry them and they had to add it all up and figure out all the numbers and it took them 30 minutes to sort out the para and the gravida. And then we waited some more for my doctor to make an appearance. 8:30 - My doctor arrived and got right down to the business of checking me. I have never felt more like cattle in all of my life. Just cut and dried, whip the covers back and insert a hand. I felt so violated and embarressed. After his exam the result was no change from the exam on friday morning: 2 cm dilated with no thinning and -3 efacing. He did not try to break my water and told me he would come back later in the day and break it if it didn't break on its own. An internal monitor was placed to monitor the baby and another to monitor the strength of the contractions. He gave the order to start the pitocin which is what the nurses had been waiting for and he gave the order they could have the epidural inserted early because of my past history of delivering fast. 9:00 - The pitocin was finally started. Once the drip begins it takes at least an hour for the contractions to begin so I pretty much spent the morning watching the clock move from 9am to 10am so I could actually begin to feeling something happening. It sounds idiotic but I really wanted to feel the contractions so that I could judge myself at what was happening. I didn't want the epidural too early because I didn't want to be numb and unable to judge the strength of the contractions and when the baby moved. The internal monitor came out on its own and the nurses had to go back to the external ones that wrap around your pregnant belly. 10:00 - The baby did not like the way I was positioned on my back sort of sitting up. I had to turn on my left side and he didn't like that either. So after I get myself comfortable and positioned, struggling with wires and tubes and IV's the anethesiologist comes in and I have to move all around and undo everything we did. The epidural is not my favorite thing. When you are not in full hard on labor putting that thing in hurts like hell! I know I made several gutteral noises as the needle went in. I even held my breath at one point as I sat on the side of the bed curled over my very pregnant belly. I promise you an epidural hurts MUCH less when you are in the throws of a full contraction. Sweet lord I thought it would never end! 10:30 - The contractions have started. The epidural is in effect. I am numb from my hips just down to my knees. I asked please not to be given so much that my feet and legs go numb. I hate the feeling of not being able to even move a toe at my own will. I was repositioned to my right side and the baby was very happy with me this way. The room was quiet and dim after they all left to make other rounds. Steven sat with me and held my hand. We both settled down and tried to catnap. The anesthetician was a woman just a little younger than us. She was pregnant and due to deliver in 6 weeks. I asked her if knowing how the epidural was put in was going to have the epidural or go natural. She made the funniest noise and assured me she was NOT having her baby natural. She was taking all the pain meds they gave. We wished her well with her delivery and congratulations on her baby. She was a sweet woman but I cannot remember her name. 11:00 - I really needed to go to the bathroom. The lactated ringers had been pumped into me since 7:30 and I was to the point I REALLY needed to go. Then they dropped the damn bomb in me. I was really upset, not happy and suddenly didn't have to go any more. They don't let you use a bed pan nor do they help you to the bathroom they make you take a catheter!! WTF?!?!?! Where in the honey-baked hell did this requirement come from? I would have nixed the epidural and went natural had I known before hand!! I sent Steven to have some lunch. There was no need for him to have to witness the last shredds of my dignity being stripped away. to tell yo the truth I think he was glad to get out of there and ot have to witness it. How is that for a man with a biology degree? LOL 11:10 - The doctor came back to check me again. At first he asked me, "Why are you still pregnant?" He then said I was progressing and was at 4cm. He then broke my water. I was glad to hear the fluid was clear but I wasn't happy to be reclined and partially sitting/laying in it. There really has to be a better way to do some of this stuff while NOT in a hospital bed. An internal monitor was placed again and luckily this one stayed in place. They inserted the catheter and promised when it was time to deliver it would be removed. 11:30 - Clean and dry once more, Steven returned from lunch and we settled down again to a dim quiet room. Then we turned on the TV and flicked throgh the channels. Ha! The Dukes of Hazzard was on and that's what we watched for a half and hour. Then we catnapped until the nurses came back in to check me over once more. 12:30 - I was at 5cm with no other changes. Each time they came in they had increased the pitocin and this time they raised it to 17. Each time I questioned the dosage and each time they said they had to increase it slowly. More slowly than I was happy with. 1:30 - No change whatsoever. 2:30 - No changes in my progress. Which was frustrating because due to my past I had no idea I would still be pregnant by this time. I had fully expected everything to be over and done with by lunch time. They did not turn up the pitocin. It was still at 17. They seemed to be concerned that turning it up would cause stress on the baby. The epidural was no longer taking the edge off the contractions. I was encouraged to use the self medicating button to add extra pain med every 15 minutes until I began to ease off. I pushed the button, over and over, but it was in now way diminishing the level of pain. When asked on a scale of 1 - 10 to give the pain a number I said 7. I was advised to keep pushing the button until it eased to a more tolerable level. I did push the button and it seemed forever for it to eventually begin to ease off. 3:30 - The nurses changed shift. Debbie and Michelle left for the day and were replaced by Sarah Noel and Ellon, along with a student nurse who was tagging along to learn as much as possible. The only reason I knew the shift had changed is because by this time I was in agony and nothing was helping the pain. NOTHING. Not breathing. Not trying to focus on the internal place where yur mind can escape some of the pain. AND NOT PUSHING THAT DAMN BUTTON. Sweet jesus there was some full on hard contracting going on and it felt like my pelvic floor was being torn wide open! I have never experienced the labor many woman describe as the full uterine contractions that start at the top and work their way to the bottom. All of the pain and sensation from my contractions is always concentrated in the floor of my pelvis. Sweet mother of god it is a drawing sensation as if you are being pried wide open from the inside out -which if you think about it you actually are! At the time when the new nurses came in I immediately decided that I did not like them at all. They were much younger than I, late 20's at the most. Seemingly impatient and not really listening to what they were being told. Finally they called someone in some place and had them come give me an injection of pain med in the epidural line hanging out of my back. She gave me too much. I was completely frustrated to the point of near tears. The needle was pulling in my back. I didn't have the strength to pull myself into a comfortable position. I felt like I was being tossed out of the bed and would eventually slide off the end. I was in misery, my own private hell and it made me want to cry. 3:45 - Colby called. Gracie had not come home yet. She had not seen the school bus nor had she seen Gracie. Instantly my heart fell out of my chest. Steven became a nervous wreck. I took a deep breath and instructed him to call the bus shop and ask about the bus. Have them radio and find out if Gracie had got off at her stop. To find out if the bus had been by our house at all. Etc. He went downstairs and outside to have a nerve calming smoke and to make the calls. I sat in the hospital bed numb to the point I couldn't feel a toe. I couldn't even move a toe. Everything from my hips down was dead. 4:00 - Steven was back. Gracie was found. There had been a problem with the bus and a driver was needed and the bus had only then left the school. At this point I just had a complete melt down. I burst into tears and cried and cried. I know it nearly caused Steven to have a mild nervous breakdown but I was inconsolable. I had to just cry it out. I pulled a pillow over my face and sat there and cried until I had sniffles and a massive snotty nose. 4:30 - I was pulling myself together and the doctor came in. I had to explain the situation to him. I mean, he walks in and his patient is in tears and the blood pressure is up and the heart rate is wonky - what would you think? So I got myself settled down, he checked me and there was no change. 5cm and waiting. As he left he said, "Try to have this baby before dinner time, would you?" 4:45 - The nurses had come in to do their routine checks and to look at the monitor strips. I really felt a huge change that I can't describe other than to say it felt like a squiggle in my pelvis. The one nurse didn't want to check me. The training nurse did. I asked them to check me. In the end, Sarah N. (btw, she is or was at the time pregnant with her first baby) told the other nurse to check to see if the doctor was still outside at the nurses station and if so have him come in and check me. He was out there and he did come right in to check me. He snapped on the gloves and did a quick check. I was at 10cm and was ready to have a baby. Everything was a flurry of activity. Steven had to get the cameras out. The doctor put on his blue protective hospital gown thingy over his nice dress shirt and trousers. He snapped on a new set of gloves and the nurses scurried around getting things in order. 4:55 - The first set of three pushes. Inhale deep, wait for the contraction to build, grip the hand grips, chin to the chest and puuuuushhhhh, while the stupid skinny pregnant nurse counts to 10 and tells you to keep going, deep breath in and puuushhhhh until you gasp for another breath and push again. Then the contraction is over and you rest a minute until the next one comes. 5:00 The second set of three pushes. I see the clock, feel the contraction building, tell the doctor before the contraction registers on their monitor, and push. The doctor kept telling me, "I don't know what you are doing but whatever it is push just like that again. Push, push, push." By the deep inhale and the third push I had a sudden sensation of having dived into a chlorinated pool and my nose burning as if water had been forced into my nostrils. 5:05 - The third set of three pushes. At this point I didn't know where I would get the stregnth from to push any harder. The doctor was telling me that the top of the babies head was exposed and I needed to push him on out. Seriously I was doubting my ability to push again when that contraction was over. My nose and face was stinging, I was completly out of breath as if I had just ran up several flights of stairs. In my mind I was afraid, I didn'tg know where the strength was going to come from as the next contraction began to build. 5:10 - The contraction built. The doctor told me to grip the backs of my legs and push. I knew this would not help me at all. He took my foot and wedged it against his ribs, I gripped the hang grips on the side of the bed in a death grip. I inhaled, praying for God to give me strength and to help me one more time. I pushed with everything in me. Took a deep breath and pushed as the doctor seemingly screamed at me to push harder. Then he told me to ease up, small push as his shoulders where delivered and huge relief as his warm body seemingly slipped right out. 5:13 - Time was called on my child's birth. He was crying. I was crying. Steven looked like he was crying. I was trying to catch my breath. I asked at least twice, "Is it a boy?" before anyone answered me. Steven said, "Yes, its a boy." The doctor said, "It is definitley a boy! It is a big boy!" I remember him saying many times about the big baby. He wasn't a fat baby, just rock solid and weighing more than he looked like he should. The doctor laid the baby across my chest and my hand instantly saught his warm skin. He was beautiful! The moment he was born his face looked so much like Gracie the minute she was born. I said to Steven, "He looks like Gracie when she was born." Steven kept saying, "I love you" and kissing me. The doctor had Steven cut the cord and I remember Steven saying something about how difficult it was to saw through the fiber of the cord. Then they took him to clean him up and get him under the heating lights. Steven took photos of the baby and I questioned the doctor. While he delivered the placenta and checked it I asked if I had tore or if he had to cut me. He said he did not cut me but he culdn't tell if I had torn until he finished cleaning me up. The babies weight and length was called by the nurses, 9lbs 11 oz, 22 inches. The doctor said I had one small tear that required one stitch and he put that in quckly. That surprised me more than anything. With every birth my babies where born quickly and there weas no time for me to stretch to accommodate their entrance into the world. With the help of my doctor who helped me stretch I had a very easy birth experince this time. In the past I had been cut or torn and required several sets of sutures inside and out but not this time. I had a long, rather thin baby who was solid as a brick, weighing more than any baby previous and I had the least maternal injury. I can only thank the doctor for knowing what he was doing and helping me to transition and stretch with this babies arrival. 5:30 - Steven began calling my mother and his parents. Ha! He had to leave a message! (Oh and his mother lost her bet that the baby would not come until after 7pm.) 5:45 - The baby was given to me to breastfeed. 6:00 - The nurses insisted I needed to eat but we couldn't get through to have anything sent up so I sent Steven to go home and pick up Colby and Grace and bring us something back to eat. The nurse helped me up and to the bathroom where I was allowed to wash myself and dress in a clean gown and under clothes and thank heavens for better sanitary products than I had ever had in the past. 6:45 - The baby was still nursing. The nurse was a bit impatient, saying I needed to rest and he had fed long enough. 7:00 - I was transfered to my room (3101) in the maternity ward. The baby was taken to the nursery to be bathed and all the checks completed. As I sat in my bed in the semi-dark room, the lights from the city outside my window, the TV droning on for just the noise, I made my trips to the bathroom with a bit of fright that somehow it would hurt to go (which it doesn't you just assume it will). I looked at my image in the mirror, swollen from so much liquid pumped into me, pale from the entire experience of childbirth. On a closer look I saw tiny little red lines on my face and my eyes appear bloodshot. It seems I pushed so hard and with so much force that I burst many many many tiny little capillaries under the skin in my face and eyes. Under my eyes and across my forehead was the worst. You won't see any photos of me because I look likie death. Tiny red lines under the skin left me looking like a Rand-McNally roadmap of spiderwebs. 8:15 - Steven returned with my girls and something for us to eat. Gracie was jst beside herself waiting to see the baby. I sent them down to the nursery to look through the window. They came back saying they didn't see our baby. I sent them back and they came back to say they had overlooked him. 8:30 - The nurses brought the baby in and the girls took turns holding him. His Daddy held him and read Goodnight, Moon. 9:15 - Steven left with the girls and I was left alone with the beautful creature I had waited all my life to meet. (To be continued) Previous Motherhood links: A Mother at 20 A Surrogate Mother at 28 A Mother at 31 In progress - A StepMother at 37 p.s. This is not proofread or spell checked - I'll do it later- as well as probably add a few more details. I just figured I had made you wait long enough and would post it now otherwise if I wait to proofread and spellcheck it might not get posted until tomorrow.

Meconium and breastmilk are acidic. They can cause the skin on your babies bottom to break down. To prevent this: Mix together A&D Ointment and Maalox/Mylanta (original flavor) and use as a cream on your babies bottom. The A&D coats and heals. The antacid nutralizes the acid. Recipe: 1 tube A&D ointment 1 small bottle antacid Squeeze the ointment into a small dish. Heat the ointment in the microwave for 10 seconds at a time until it is just beginning to melt. Add antacid a little at a time and mix well until you reach a substance with the consistancy of a nice rich cream. If you get it too thin because of too much antacid you can add some vaseline to it. This makes the best cream for your babies bottom. It works better than any of the zinc creams or butt pastes. My mother has been here visiting. She left yesterday. I'll post Steven's birth story either this evening or tomorrow. We are doing fine. He had his well baby check-up yesterday. Everything is perfect. Here is some yumminess to feast on in the mean time. My Valentine